¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

First homework essay.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼Û*ÈÆ
2024-04-19 1417

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



It was nice time talking with you. I'm looking forward to see you in next class. Have nice weekends!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good afternoon Diego~!^^ It's nice to read your first essay ever! Thanks for having an impressive understanding and depth of knowledge about your interests in writing topics. Keep it up!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well.  To what extent do you agree or disagree?
I agree that student should participate in unpaid community work in their free time.
>>> CORRECT~^^
First, school is not the only place students can learn about the society. 
>>> CORRECT~^^
There are many fields which are not included in the books.
>>> CORRECT~^^
By joining the unpaid community work, some students might find out their new talents.
>>> CORRECT~^^
 I saw a story in newspaper, about a student found his talent after joining unpaid community program. 
 >>> I saw a story in [ the ] newspaper, about a student [who] found his talent after joining an unpaid community program. 
After volunteering in planting crops, he chose his dream to become a farmer.
>>> CORRECT~^^
Second, it is good method to help local community maintenance.
>>> Second, it is [ a ] good method to help [the] local community's maintenance.
Some local community is in trouble that young people leave the town to find a job.
>>> Some local community is in trouble [when] young people leave the town to find a job.
There is a lack of labor capability that should be fulfilled.
>>> CORRECT~^^
This problem can be solved when students use their free time. 
>>> CORRECT~^^
Students can work in libraries, local community festival, local market and etc.
>>> CORRECT~^^
Finally, student will learn to become a member of local society.
>>> CORRECT~^^
 One of main goals in education is to produce a collaborative member of society. 
>>> CORRECT~^^
By working in unpaid community, students will learn community network, loyalty.
>>> CORRECT~^^
 In the future, they will be the great asset in local society.
>>> CORRECT~^^
These are the reasons why I agree that students should join the unpaid community work.
>>> CORRECT~^^
Thank you.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
134698 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 2128
134697 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 1388
134696 What are your good and bad habits? ±Ç*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 1
134695 What are some of the important lessons you have learned from... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 0
134694 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 1535
134693 What is the most important meaning of Seollal for you? Why is... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 0
134692 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 1388
134691 What\'s the best memory you have from celebrating your birthday? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 0
134690 What are some strategies to encourage reluctant readers to... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 1537
134689 Why do you like your best friends? ÃÖ*ÇÑ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 1314
134688 What do you think about long distance relationships? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 962
134687 homework 2024-01-27 ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 1
134686 Aside from Korean and English, what do you think is the most... ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 1
134685 What one important thing would you buy with your savings today?... ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 0
134684 homwork ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 1
134683 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 2
134682 Having a collateral ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 1796
134681 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 1606
134680 What do you think of Michelin restaurants? Are they worth the... ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-14 1
134679 English ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-02-14 1820

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04