¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

First homework essay.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼Û*ÈÆ
2024-04-19 1401

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



It was nice time talking with you. I'm looking forward to see you in next class. Have nice weekends!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good afternoon Diego~!^^ It's nice to read your first essay ever! Thanks for having an impressive understanding and depth of knowledge about your interests in writing topics. Keep it up!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well.  To what extent do you agree or disagree?
I agree that student should participate in unpaid community work in their free time.
>>> CORRECT~^^
First, school is not the only place students can learn about the society. 
>>> CORRECT~^^
There are many fields which are not included in the books.
>>> CORRECT~^^
By joining the unpaid community work, some students might find out their new talents.
>>> CORRECT~^^
 I saw a story in newspaper, about a student found his talent after joining unpaid community program. 
 >>> I saw a story in [ the ] newspaper, about a student [who] found his talent after joining an unpaid community program. 
After volunteering in planting crops, he chose his dream to become a farmer.
>>> CORRECT~^^
Second, it is good method to help local community maintenance.
>>> Second, it is [ a ] good method to help [the] local community's maintenance.
Some local community is in trouble that young people leave the town to find a job.
>>> Some local community is in trouble [when] young people leave the town to find a job.
There is a lack of labor capability that should be fulfilled.
>>> CORRECT~^^
This problem can be solved when students use their free time. 
>>> CORRECT~^^
Students can work in libraries, local community festival, local market and etc.
>>> CORRECT~^^
Finally, student will learn to become a member of local society.
>>> CORRECT~^^
 One of main goals in education is to produce a collaborative member of society. 
>>> CORRECT~^^
By working in unpaid community, students will learn community network, loyalty.
>>> CORRECT~^^
 In the future, they will be the great asset in local society.
>>> CORRECT~^^
These are the reasons why I agree that students should join the unpaid community work.
>>> CORRECT~^^
Thank you.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
134926 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1100
134925 homework 02.22 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1749
134924 The best thing about my grandma ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1169
134923 Why do you think people are dbsessed with their heights? Give at... ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 2
134922 Sound suggestions ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1669
134921 How do you know about cats? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1712
134920 Do you have a piggy bank? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1001
134919 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 2
134918 I ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 821
134917 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1425
134916 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1
134915 Moving to a different part of a country after the retirement ÀÓ*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1388
134914 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 5
134913 Is it important to have a good childhood to be successful in... ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1496
134912 When was the last time you streamed a movie, and what streaming... ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1443
134911 Which country do you think is not a safe place to live in? Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1350
134910 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1629
134909 How does your bank support the local community through... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 3
134908 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1623
134907 homework ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04