¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

First homework essay.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼Û*ÈÆ
2024-04-19 433

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



It was nice time talking with you. I'm looking forward to see you in next class. Have nice weekends!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good afternoon Diego~!^^ It's nice to read your first essay ever! Thanks for having an impressive understanding and depth of knowledge about your interests in writing topics. Keep it up!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well.  To what extent do you agree or disagree?
I agree that student should participate in unpaid community work in their free time.
>>> CORRECT~^^
First, school is not the only place students can learn about the society. 
>>> CORRECT~^^
There are many fields which are not included in the books.
>>> CORRECT~^^
By joining the unpaid community work, some students might find out their new talents.
>>> CORRECT~^^
 I saw a story in newspaper, about a student found his talent after joining unpaid community program. 
 >>> I saw a story in [ the ] newspaper, about a student [who] found his talent after joining an unpaid community program. 
After volunteering in planting crops, he chose his dream to become a farmer.
>>> CORRECT~^^
Second, it is good method to help local community maintenance.
>>> Second, it is [ a ] good method to help [the] local community's maintenance.
Some local community is in trouble that young people leave the town to find a job.
>>> Some local community is in trouble [when] young people leave the town to find a job.
There is a lack of labor capability that should be fulfilled.
>>> CORRECT~^^
This problem can be solved when students use their free time. 
>>> CORRECT~^^
Students can work in libraries, local community festival, local market and etc.
>>> CORRECT~^^
Finally, student will learn to become a member of local society.
>>> CORRECT~^^
 One of main goals in education is to produce a collaborative member of society. 
>>> CORRECT~^^
By working in unpaid community, students will learn community network, loyalty.
>>> CORRECT~^^
 In the future, they will be the great asset in local society.
>>> CORRECT~^^
These are the reasons why I agree that students should join the unpaid community work.
>>> CORRECT~^^
Thank you.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
134791 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 253
134790 Do you allow someone to decide for you? ±Ç*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 0
134789 Living in cities vs rural areas ÀÓ*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 326
134788 turn off ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 0
134787 Homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 250
134786 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 296
134785 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 250
134784 What other activies can you do in the amusement park? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 291
134783 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 0
134782 Describe a book, movie, or piece of music that has had a... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 456
134781 Favorite season °í*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 158
134780 Cat ¹Ú*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 202
134779 What was the last program you watched on TV? ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 461
134778 WRITING TASK: What opportunity in life do you want to accept... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 3
134777 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 136
134776 homework 2024-02-19 ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 1
134775 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 249
134774 How do you solve conflicts in working with others? õ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 277
134773 Would you rather have telekinesis (the ability to move things... ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 0
134772 See-through ÀÓ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 431

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04