¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

First homework essay.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼Û*ÈÆ
2024-04-19 386

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



It was nice time talking with you. I'm looking forward to see you in next class. Have nice weekends!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good afternoon Diego~!^^ It's nice to read your first essay ever! Thanks for having an impressive understanding and depth of knowledge about your interests in writing topics. Keep it up!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well.  To what extent do you agree or disagree?
I agree that student should participate in unpaid community work in their free time.
>>> CORRECT~^^
First, school is not the only place students can learn about the society. 
>>> CORRECT~^^
There are many fields which are not included in the books.
>>> CORRECT~^^
By joining the unpaid community work, some students might find out their new talents.
>>> CORRECT~^^
 I saw a story in newspaper, about a student found his talent after joining unpaid community program. 
 >>> I saw a story in [ the ] newspaper, about a student [who] found his talent after joining an unpaid community program. 
After volunteering in planting crops, he chose his dream to become a farmer.
>>> CORRECT~^^
Second, it is good method to help local community maintenance.
>>> Second, it is [ a ] good method to help [the] local community's maintenance.
Some local community is in trouble that young people leave the town to find a job.
>>> Some local community is in trouble [when] young people leave the town to find a job.
There is a lack of labor capability that should be fulfilled.
>>> CORRECT~^^
This problem can be solved when students use their free time. 
>>> CORRECT~^^
Students can work in libraries, local community festival, local market and etc.
>>> CORRECT~^^
Finally, student will learn to become a member of local society.
>>> CORRECT~^^
 One of main goals in education is to produce a collaborative member of society. 
>>> CORRECT~^^
By working in unpaid community, students will learn community network, loyalty.
>>> CORRECT~^^
 In the future, they will be the great asset in local society.
>>> CORRECT~^^
These are the reasons why I agree that students should join the unpaid community work.
>>> CORRECT~^^
Thank you.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138026 Among the places you have visited, which was your least... ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 427
138025 HOMEWORK FOR 06.18.2024 WRITING TASK: What are good activities... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 2
138024 Is mental health more important than physical health? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 2
138023 homework ±è*º° ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 1
138022 Try to be a man of value ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 411
138021 Why is it necessary to advertise? Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 308
138020 What are the disadvantages of having diverse options at a... ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 508
138019 Do you think Korean meals are healthy? Why or why not? ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 470
138018 Who else is better than Mr. Yun as a president? Explain your... Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-23 440
138017 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-23 1
138016 I want to know these sentences are grammatically correct or not! °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-23 465
138015 Are you a helpful person? Explain your answer. Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-06-23 494
138014 First greeting for meeting ÀÌ*¸§ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-23 5
138013 Homework ÃÖ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-06-23 2
138012 How important is salary to you when considering a job offer? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-06-22 428
138011 Would you let a stranger borrow something from you? Why? Why not? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-22 1
138010 What is your least favorite game? Why? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-22 487
138009 What influenced your choice of job? Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-22 490
138008 Essay homework ÀÌ*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2024-06-21 482
138007 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-21 506

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04