¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 04.18

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2024-04-18 836

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
Do you think online shopping is more convenient than traditional shopping?

When I was young the shopping malls and traditional markets in my neighborhood are crowded people.
But, these days, many people use online malls.
There are many reason why online malls is popular.
Typically, if I have a smartphone or computer, I can shopping anywhere wherever I am.
Next reason is the online malls are cheaper than offline malls.
In addition, these days deliveries are too fast.
That's why many people more prefer online shopping.
In one side, I feel It leaves a lot to be desired.
These days, people don't go outside often.
Because they feel tired of meeting people.
And trying to solve everything use to online.
So I think many people's emotions got cold.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
Do you think online shopping is more convenient than traditional shopping?


When I was young, the shopping malls and traditional markets in my neighborhood are crowded people.
>> When I was young, the shopping malls and traditional markets in my neighborhood are crowded with people.
But, these days, many people use online malls.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> But, these days, many people use online stores.
There are many reason why online malls is popular.
>> There are many reasons why online malls are popular.
Typically, if I have a smartphone or computer, I can shopping anywhere wherever I am.
>> Typically, if I have a smartphone or computer, I can do online shopping anywhere wherever I am.
OR >> Typically, if I have a smartphone or computer, I can do online shopping anytime, anywhere.
Next reason is the online malls are cheaper than offline malls.
>> CORRECT!
In addition, these days deliveries are too fast.
>> CORRECT!
That's why many people more prefer online shopping.
>> CORRECT!
In one side, I feel It leaves a lot to be desired.
>> CORRECT!
These days, people don't go outside often.
>> CORRECT!
Because they feel tired of meeting people.
>> It's because they feel tired of meeting people.
And trying to solve everything use to online.
>> And, people try to solve everything online.
So I think many people's emotions got cold.
>> CORRECT!

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
136374 What do you borrow from your friends? ¸Í*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-14 771
136373 What do say when you want to know if a person needs help? Write... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-14 1005
136372 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-14 2
136371 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-14 913
136370 HOMEWORK FOR 04.12.2024 WRITING TASK: Which chore do you like... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-14 5
136369 What are your thoughts on Korean fashion? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-14 1402
136368 Describe a useful website ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-04-14 1
136367 How do you take care of your teeth? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-13 3
136366 In Korea, there are many people who fawn on Mondays. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-04-13 1284
136365 These are my favorite days :) À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-04-13 1014
136364 If I could have chosen any job, I wanted to be an astrophysicist. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-04-13 749
136363 Rest is very important! À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-04-13 1236
136362 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 2
136361 What was the last thing you accepted? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 1
136360 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 939
136359 homework 04.12 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 691
136358 What is the most famous restaurant in your country and what is... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 728
136357 My personality ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 1032
136356 About my neighborhood ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 739
136355 In what ways does your family provide support during tough... ¿À*¼Ø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-12 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04