¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Is it important for a country to have zoos? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼Û*ÇÏ
2024-04-17 447

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

People in a country has a liberty to enjoy leisure activities in order to sustain the level of happiness on their life. Zoo (or amusement park) is one of the selections that government considers to enhance the quality of its public environment. Not only for people, but also this facility is more likely to construct 'Eco-friendly' country which all countries in the world are seriously taking care on their meeting agenda. According to the paper column, it argues that human is trying to become a destroyer of food chain by supporting idea of illegal poaching. Because of the greed, most animals are abusing as raw material of luxury goods. One interesting thing that this journalist suggests to preserve our environment is to create zoo. It will be able to give both promotion and education of importance to protect the Earth's creature. Through this point of view, I think zoo should be an essential public space for repairing our society be normalized.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Hello Matthew,
That was a great composition! I am happy to read your opinion about this matter. Keep writing! :)
~ T. Demi ^^


People in a country has a liberty to enjoy leisure activities in order to sustain the level of happiness on their life.
>> Every individual has the liberty to enjoy leisure activities to sustain the level of happiness in their life
Zoo (or amusement park) is one of the selections that government considers to enhance the quality of its public environment.
>> A zoo (or an amusement park) is one of the selections that the government considers to enhance the quality of its public environment.
Not only for people, but also this facility is more likely to construct 'Eco-friendly' country which all countries in the world are seriously taking care on their meeting agenda.
>> Not only for people but also this facility is more likely to construct an eco-friendly country which all counties are seriously taking care of in their meeting agenda.
According to the paper column, it argues that human is trying to become a destroyer of food chain by supporting idea of illegal poaching.
>> According to the paper column, it argues that humans are becoming the destroyers of the food chain by supporting the idea of illegal poaching.
Because of the greed, most animals are abusing as raw material of luxury goods.
>> Because of greed, most animals are being abused as raw materials for luxury goods.
One interesting thing that this journalist suggests to preserve our environment is to create zoo.
>> One interesting thing that this journalist suggests is to create a zoo in order to preserve our environment.
It will be able to give both promotion and education of importance to protect the Earth's creature.
>> It will be able to give both promotion and education of importance to protect the Earth's creatures.
Through this point of view, I think zoo should be an essential public space for repairing our society be normalized.
>> Through this point of view, I think zoos should be an essential public space for repairing our society.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
135151 Homework ÀÌ*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-03-01 1
135150 What and who are your major influences for having your recent... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-03-01 0
135149 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-01 348
135148 What¡¯s the most unique winter vacation spot you¡¯ve been to? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-01 248
135147 homework 03.01 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-03-01 299
135146 Homework ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-01 305
135145 What are the positive and negative ways some people choose to... Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-01 505
135144 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-01 396
135143 The proudest moment of my life ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-01 255
135142 Compare traveling alone with traveling with friends or family.... ÃÖ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-01 389
135141 How does Korean entertainment, like K-pop and K-dramas,... ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-03-01 1
135140 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"Is following a... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2024-03-01 1
135139 Why do you think some people hate dancing? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-01 468
135138 Don¡¯t you have any homework? ÃÖ*¼º ¿Ï·á 2024-03-01 497
135137 My greatest strength ¼Û*³ª ¿Ï·á 2024-03-01 2
135136 How important is physical attractiveness in a relationship? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-03-01 669
135135 When can you start working with us? õ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-01 603
135134 If you had $100,000, where would you go on vacation? Why? È£*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-03-01 413
135133 What hobbies are popular in your country? ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-03-01 7
135132 homework À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-03-01 595

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04