¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Is it important for a country to have zoos? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼Û*ÇÏ
2024-04-17 1680

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

People in a country has a liberty to enjoy leisure activities in order to sustain the level of happiness on their life. Zoo (or amusement park) is one of the selections that government considers to enhance the quality of its public environment. Not only for people, but also this facility is more likely to construct 'Eco-friendly' country which all countries in the world are seriously taking care on their meeting agenda. According to the paper column, it argues that human is trying to become a destroyer of food chain by supporting idea of illegal poaching. Because of the greed, most animals are abusing as raw material of luxury goods. One interesting thing that this journalist suggests to preserve our environment is to create zoo. It will be able to give both promotion and education of importance to protect the Earth's creature. Through this point of view, I think zoo should be an essential public space for repairing our society be normalized.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Hello Matthew,
That was a great composition! I am happy to read your opinion about this matter. Keep writing! :)
~ T. Demi ^^


People in a country has a liberty to enjoy leisure activities in order to sustain the level of happiness on their life.
>> Every individual has the liberty to enjoy leisure activities to sustain the level of happiness in their life
Zoo (or amusement park) is one of the selections that government considers to enhance the quality of its public environment.
>> A zoo (or an amusement park) is one of the selections that the government considers to enhance the quality of its public environment.
Not only for people, but also this facility is more likely to construct 'Eco-friendly' country which all countries in the world are seriously taking care on their meeting agenda.
>> Not only for people but also this facility is more likely to construct an eco-friendly country which all counties are seriously taking care of in their meeting agenda.
According to the paper column, it argues that human is trying to become a destroyer of food chain by supporting idea of illegal poaching.
>> According to the paper column, it argues that humans are becoming the destroyers of the food chain by supporting the idea of illegal poaching.
Because of the greed, most animals are abusing as raw material of luxury goods.
>> Because of greed, most animals are being abused as raw materials for luxury goods.
One interesting thing that this journalist suggests to preserve our environment is to create zoo.
>> One interesting thing that this journalist suggests is to create a zoo in order to preserve our environment.
It will be able to give both promotion and education of importance to protect the Earth's creature.
>> It will be able to give both promotion and education of importance to protect the Earth's creatures.
Through this point of view, I think zoo should be an essential public space for repairing our society be normalized.
>> Through this point of view, I think zoos should be an essential public space for repairing our society.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138561 Q) What is the biggest challenge about parenting? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 4
138560 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 821
138559 Is learning something new a waste of time? ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 889
138558 IT ¾î*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 0
138557 What does friendship mean to you? ¼Û*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 820
138556 No man is an island. ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 8
138555 When do you feel happy the most? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 881
138554 HOMEWORK 07.17.2024 ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 4
138553 HOMEWORK FOR 07.16.2024 WRITING TASK: What are valid reasons for... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 4
138552 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 703
138551 Homwork ½Å*Á¾ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 910
138550 What was your first day at work like? ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 5
138549 Have you ever had an interesting or memorable experience while... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 1227
138548 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-17 3
138547 16.July.2024 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 2
138546 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 758
138545 2024.07.16 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 728
138544 sacrifice ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 1220
138543 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 2
138542 How do you convince yourself not to give up? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 801

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04