¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

keeping pets for children

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*ÈÆ
2024-04-11 1475

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think keeping pets for children is good for children. First, they could learn about importance of the life by raising pets. The pets will become children's friend, and they will be always their side. Also they will made children's mental healthy. second, pets can build children's resistance of allergies. I read a reports about allergies. It said children who didn't have a pet got allergies easliy than children who raised one.
In conclusion, the pets could help children's mental, also physical health.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Se Hun~!^^ Thank you for doing your homework. It was nice to read your essay~! Keep writing and learning! Have a great day!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I think keeping pets for children is good for children.
OR>>> I think keeping pets for children is good for them.
First, they could learn about importance of the life by raising pets. 
>>> First, they could learn about [ the ] importance of life by raising pets. 
The pets will become children's friend, and they will be always their side. 
>>> The pets will become [ the ] children's friend, and they will be always [ by ] their side. 
Also they will made children's mental healthy.
>>> [Moreover], they can help with children's mental health.
Second, pets can build children's resistance of allergies. 
>>> Second, pets can build children's allergy resistant.
 I read a reports about allergies.
>>> CORRECT~! ^^
 It said children who didn't have a pet got allergies easliy than children who raised one.
>>> It is said that children who don't have pets get allergies easily than children who raised one.
In conclusion, the pets could help children's mental, also physical health.
>>> In conclusion, pets may benefit kids' physical as well as mental health.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
140305 What is the best vacation you have ever taken? What made it... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-08 2
140304 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-08 1089
140303 first homework ÃÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-08 922
140302 Do you think grammar is important when you learn a new language? ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-08 1
140301 What do you find most interesting about your major? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-08 0
140300 Should more people use public transport instead of cars or... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-08 1115
140299 Which among your stuff do you need to throw away? ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-10-08 868
140298 What topics do you usually talk about if you meet a person for... Àå*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-08 967
140297 What¡¯s the most interesting or unique club or organization... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-08 1028
140296 submitted homework : the country where I don\'t like to visit ÀÌ*¸§ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-08 1
140295 7.Oct.2024 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-08 0
140294 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-10-08 947
140293 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-08 0
140292 If I have won ten million dollars~? ¼­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-07 5
140291 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-07 2
140290 What does it mean to be a lively person? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-10-07 1012
140289 Do you prefer physical games or games that are purely mental? ¿À*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-10-07 912
140288 If you were a fruit, what would you be and why? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-07 1003
140287 In your opinion, what does \"every end is a new beginning\" mean? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-07 1141
140286 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-07 850

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04