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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

HW

작성자: 나*진
2024-04-08 580

회원님의 영작문

I would like to share my experience from a content production project as I haven't participated in any game-related projects. One of my most notable achievements during my academic years was successfully organizing a theatrical production as part of the central drama club. This experience involved coordinating opinions and communication among a large group of over 50 individuals, including senior graduates, to successfully deliver a finished product. For instance, there was a stark difference of opinion between the directing team, who proposed building the backstage wall with bricks, and the stage team, who argued that it would be impractical for setup and dismantling. Despite the intense disagreement, we brainstormed and ultimately decided to use lightweight paper boxes instead of bricks for the wall, making setup and dismantling much easier. This decision not only preserved the directorial intention but also enhanced the effectiveness of the production.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Eugene!
This is a great response! While you haven't directly worked in gaming, your experience organizing a theatrical production and your ability to find innovative solutions, such as using lightweight materials for set design, highlights your creativity and problem-solving skills. These qualities are highly transferable to the gaming industry, where teamwork and creative problem-solving are essential. You may strengthen your response by making a direct connection between your experience and the requirements of most gaming projects.
~ Teacher Maxine

I would like to share my experience from a content production project as I haven't participated in any game-related projects. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> I'd like to share my experience from a content production project, given that I haven't engaged in any game-related projects. 

One of my most notable achievements during my academic years was successfully organizing a theatrical production as part of the central drama club. 
>> CORRECT!

This experience involved coordinating opinions and communication among a large group of over 50 individuals, including senior graduates, to successfully deliver a finished product. 
>> CORRECT!

For instance, there was a stark difference of opinion between the directing team, who proposed building the backstage wall with bricks, and the stage team, who argued that it would be impractical for setup and dismantling. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> For instance, there was a significant difference of opinion between the directing team, advocating for a backstage wall built with bricks, and the stage team, arguing its impracticality for setup and dismantling.

Despite the intense disagreement, we brainstormed and ultimately decided to use lightweight paper boxes instead of bricks for the wall, making setup and dismantling much easier. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> Despite the intense disagreement, we brainstormed and ultimately opted for lightweight paper boxes instead of bricks, significantly easing setup and dismantling processes. 

This decision not only preserved the directorial intention but also enhanced the effectiveness of the production.
>> CORRECT!
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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
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04

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