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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

HW

작성자: 나*진
2024-04-03 486

회원님의 영작문

If I could choose a obsolete game to revive, I would like to resurrect Blade & Soul 2. Although Blade & Soul 2 was released in 2021 and may not be considered completely as a classic game, it's based on the IP of Blade & Soul, which was released in 2012. Blade & Soul 2 garnered high expectations upon its release, building on the validated Blade & Soul IP. However, it received criticism for its immoderate pay-to-win monetization model, which detracted from gameplay, and it struggled to showcase the strengths of its predecessor. Nevertheless, I believe that elements like its impactful action, unique Eastern-inspired world, and iconic bosses could shine if the game were improved. Additionally, transitioning a successful PC game like Blade & Soul to a more accessible mobile platform could attract a larger player base. To achieve this revival and improvement, adopting a gradual update approach akin to Lost Ark, enhancing the game's monetization structure, and establishing user-friendly opera

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Eugene! Your analysis is detailed and thoughtful. It is well-organized as usual and showcases your knowledge of the game's strengths and weaknesses. In addition, the solutions and improvements you proposed demonstrate strategic thinking and problem-solving skills. Well done!
~ Teacher Maxine

If I could choose a obsolete game to revive, I would like to resurrect Blade & Soul 2. 
>> If I could choose an obsolete game to revive, I would like to resurrect Blade & Soul 2.

Although Blade & Soul 2 was released in 2021 and may not be considered completely as a classic game, it's based on the IP of Blade & Soul, which was released in 2012. 
>> CORRECT!

Blade & Soul 2 garnered high expectations upon its release, building on the validated Blade & Soul IP. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> Blade & Soul 2 generated high expectations upon its launch, leveraging the established Blade & Soul IP.

However, it received criticism for its immoderate pay-to-win monetization model, which detracted from gameplay, and it struggled to showcase the strengths of its predecessor.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> However, it faced criticism for its pay-to-win monetization model, which negatively impacted gameplay, and it struggled to highlight its predecessor's strengths.

Nevertheless, I believe that elements like its impactful action, unique Eastern-inspired world, and iconic bosses could shine if the game were improved. 
>> CORRECT!

Additionally, transitioning a successful PC game like Blade & Soul to a more accessible mobile platform could attract a larger player base. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> Moreover, transitioning Blade & Soul from PC to mobile could broaden its player base significantly.

To achieve this revival and improvement, adopting a gradual update approach akin to Lost Ark, enhancing the game's monetization structure, and establishing user-friendly opera
>> CORRECT!
OR >> Revitalization efforts should include adopting a gradual update approach, refining the monetization model, and ensuring user-friendly operations.
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HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

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