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영작교정 게시판

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Do you think you\'re a naturally hard-working person? Why or why not?

작성자: 황*은
2024-03-29 990

회원님의 영작문

I think I'm naturally hard-working person. I resembled my father. He is perfectionist and really good at self-control.
But I guess I have been affected by environment too. When I was young, my dad got upset easily. He scolded me and my brother hard even for small things. For example, when we put down chopsticks loudly or roll the dices to the wrong place when we play board games, he got angry. I think that may affected me to become a perfectionist. But now my dad hardly gets upset and I'm not a perfectionist anymore, which shows the fact that environment has also affected to my personality.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Seong Eun,

First, I want to take a few moments to commend you for your hard work on your homework. One can tell that you genuinely put thought into how to express yourself. The part of your own personality traits and the power of your environment are fantastic. I appreciate how you delve into the behavior of your father and how you relate to him. Understanding oneself is a crucial step toward personal growth, and it's clear that you're well on your way to self-awareness and self-transformation. Continue to delve into and learn about yourself - it's a journey that never truly ends. Your dedication to this process is commendable. Keep up the excellent work!

~Teacher Cathy

 

I think I'm naturally hard-working person.

>>I think I'm a naturally hard-working person.

I resembled my father.

>>CORRECT

OR>>I was like my father.

He is perfectionist and really good at self-control.

>>He is a perfectionist and really good at self-control.

But I guess I have been affected by environment too.

>>But I guess I have been affected by the environment too.

When I was young, my dad got upset easily.

>>CORRECT

OR>>When I was a child, my father got angry quickly.

He scolded me and my brother hard even for small things.

>>CORRECT

OR>>He scolded my brother and I a lot, even over petty things.

For example, when we put down chopsticks loudly or roll the dices to the wrong place when we play board games, he got angry.

>>For example, when we put down chopsticks loudly or roll the dice to the wrong place when we played board games, he got angry.

I think that may affected me to become a perfectionist.

>>CORRECT

OR>>I believe that might have made me a perfectionist.

But now my dad hardly gets upset and I'm not a perfectionist anymore, which shows the fact that environment has also affected to my personality.

>>But now my dad hardly gets upset and I'm not a perfectionist anymore, which shows the fact that the environment has also affected my personality.

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