무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

HW

작성자: 나*진
2024-03-28 1433

회원님의 영작문

I believe that one of the key challenges, as well as opportunities, facing the gaming industry is monetization. Monetization within games is pivotal for revenue generation as it significantly impacts both actual earnings and overall game evaluation. Recently, there has been a notable decline in the efficiency of in-app advertising profits due to a reduction in eCPM, which represents the unit price of advertising revenue. Consequently, many gaming companies have shifted their monetization strategies towards the In-App Purchase (IAP) model or battle/game pass model. Moreover, the need for a transition in monetization is even more critical for domestic gaming companies aiming to expand into the Western market. The Western gaming market tends to steer clear of pay-to-win systems or probability-based items commonly found in Korean games. Thus, companies must boldly abandon their original business models and embrace more reasonable alternatives such as subscription-based 'pass' models.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Eugene!
Good job with this response. It effectively outlines the key challenge and opportunity of monetization in the gaming industry. In your response, you were able to mention the importance of adapting monetization strategies for different markets. To enhance your response, consider providing potential strategies or solutions while also relating your insights back to your qualifications or experiences in the gaming industry. Overall, your analysis is insightful and well-structured. Keep it up!
~ Teacher Maxine 

I believe that one of the key challenges, as well as opportunities, facing the gaming industry is monetization. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> From my perspective, one of the main challenges and opportunities confronting the gaming industry is the issue of monetization.

Monetization within games is pivotal for revenue generation as it significantly impacts both actual earnings and overall game evaluation. 
>> CORRECT!

Recently, there has been a notable decline in the efficiency of in-app advertising profits due to a reduction in eCPM, which represents the unit price of advertising revenue. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> Recently, there has been a noticeable decline in the efficiency of in-app advertising profits due to a decrease in eCPM, representing the unit price of advertising revenue.

Consequently, many gaming companies have shifted their monetization strategies towards the In-App Purchase (IAP) model or battle/game pass model. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> As a result, numerous gaming companies have shifted their monetization strategies toward models such as the In-App Purchase (IAP) model or battle/game pass model.

Moreover, the need for a transition in monetization is even more critical for domestic gaming companies aiming to expand into the Western market. 
>> CORRECT!

The Western gaming market tends to steer clear of pay-to-win systems or probability-based items commonly found in Korean games. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> The Western gaming market tends to avoid pay-to-win systems or probability-based items commonly found in Korean games.

Thus, companies must boldly abandon their original business models and embrace more reasonable alternatives such as subscription-based 'pass' models.
>> CORRECT!

번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
137748 Gambling on sporting events 이*규 완료 2024-06-11 831
137747 HOMEWORK FOR 06.11.2024 WRITING TASK: How do you maintain a... 임*지 완료 2024-06-11 3
137746 speaking task (day 1) 김*주 완료 2024-06-11 674
137745 Raising animals for food contributes to air and water pollution. 안*윤 완료 2024-06-11 1098
137744 Which do you like better, magazines or newspapers? 이*태 완료 2024-06-11 768
137743 Is time management important? Why? 이*태 완료 2024-06-11 979
137742 Homework 권*미 완료 2024-06-11 0
137741 Homework 권*미 완료 2024-06-11 0
137740 Homework 권*미 완료 2024-06-11 0
137739 Do you think the ambiance is important in restaurants? 이*태 완료 2024-06-11 881
137738 How do you understand the statement: “Beauty is skin deep”? 이*태 완료 2024-06-11 1214
137737 Which TV series made an impact in your life? 박*연 완료 2024-06-11 1151
137736 What kind of TV series would you like to be made soon? 박*연 완료 2024-06-11 923
137735 How are the employment opportunities in your country? 박*연 완료 2024-06-11 1547
137734 Homework 한*연 완료 2024-06-11 1
137733 Do men or women make better friends? Does one gender have better... 황*은 완료 2024-06-11 1182
137732 Success 양*연 완료 2024-06-11 1108
137731 The benevolent genius 임*준 완료 2024-06-11 1182
137730 How is midlife crisis different when you are married than if you... 이*윤 완료 2024-06-11 1092
137729 What activities do you like doing alone? 김*기 완료 2024-06-10 838

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]