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서비스 입니다.

My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 732

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
139165 I think about food 고*호 완료 2024-08-14 348
139164 nap 민*정 완료 2024-08-14 0
139163 What is the best part of your childhood? 김*린 완료 2024-08-14 531
139162 Can you describe a piece of music that has a special meaning to... 이*태 완료 2024-08-14 569
139161 Favorite TV program? 최*정 완료 2024-08-14 1
139160 How do you respect the privacy of all the members of your family? 현* 완료 2024-08-14 473
139159 How do you handle situations when a problem occurs? 이*윤 완료 2024-08-14 456
139158 When was the last time you\'ve been working so hard? 권*지 완료 2024-08-14 1
139157 How can you compare South Korean and English culture? 권*지 완료 2024-08-14 0
139156 HOMEWORK FOR 08.14.2024 WRITING TASK: What are the drawbacks of... 임*지 완료 2024-08-14 3
139155 Vegetarian 양*연 완료 2024-08-14 354
139154 How do you think having a household helper can impact family... 박*호 완료 2024-08-14 525
139153 Homework 김*님 완료 2024-08-14 522
139152 How do you prioritize your physical health in your daily routine? 임*미 완료 2024-08-14 445
139151 Mijas in Spain 한*자 완료 2024-08-14 8
139150 What is the most popular sport in your country? 김*규 완료 2024-08-14 0
139149 Page 45 김*진 완료 2024-08-14 1
139148 Regret to eat oysters 김*이 완료 2024-08-13 4
139147 8/14 writing task 김*연 완료 2024-08-13 5
139146 Homework 김*서 완료 2024-08-13 1

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