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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 869

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
131500 Making a reservation. 김*연 완료 2023-10-08 0
131499 Trip 김*연 완료 2023-10-08 1
131498 HOMEWORK-231006 양*애 완료 2023-10-08 1
131497 homwork 박*준 완료 2023-10-07 2
131496 Describe a party you attended. 김*규 완료 2023-10-07 1
131495 Are ther any books that have had a profound impact on your life... 이*윤 완료 2023-10-07 1094
131494 Are you happy with the programs on TV nowadays? 김*순 완료 2023-10-06 1105
131493 homework 김*연 완료 2023-10-06 1212
131492 WRITING TASK: Who do you want to go to a cinema with? Why? 임*지 완료 2023-10-06 4
131491 Do you think electricity is the greatest invention ever? 에*미 완료 2023-10-06 3
131490 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about “My favorite... 앨* 완료 2023-10-06 2
131489 My favorite food (Homework) 정*환 완료 2023-10-06 1528
131488 homework 이*숙 완료 2023-10-06 1104
131487 I want friend is--- 이*화 완료 2023-10-06 772
131486 What do you know about Australian culture? 신*섭 완료 2023-10-06 894
131485 What is your favorite emoji? 박*현 완료 2023-10-06 1100
131484 Do you enjoy working in groups or alone? 송*우 완료 2023-10-06 1188
131483 Homework 김*서 완료 2023-10-06 3
131482 If you could travel back in time, where would you go? 신*섭 완료 2023-10-06 772
131481 Homework 김* 완료 2023-10-06 0

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