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My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 846

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
131844 Homework 류*우 완료 2023-10-23 627
131843 WRITING TASK: Why is \'planning\' important? 임*지 완료 2023-10-23 4
131842 A role model 이*규 완료 2023-10-23 1186
131841 Myeongseongsan 양*연 완료 2023-10-23 849
131840 diary 김*연 완료 2023-10-23 1
131839 If you could live anywhere else, where would that be? 권*지 완료 2023-10-23 587
131838 Homework - \'earliest memory\' 이*주 완료 2023-10-23 763
131837 What do you want to include in your ideal fitness program? 신*정 완료 2023-10-23 695
131836 Homework 정*환 완료 2023-10-23 317
131835 service 권*희 완료 2023-10-23 500
131834 HOMEWORK 김*지 완료 2023-10-23 595
131833 20.Oct.2023 김*정 완료 2023-10-23 2
131832 HOMEWORK 김*지 완료 2023-10-23 547
131831 homwork 박*준 완료 2023-10-23 1
131830 What does the phrase \"follow your heart\" mean? 이*빈 완료 2023-10-23 757
131829 Homework 김*님 완료 2023-10-23 667
131828 homework 정*안 완료 2023-10-22 2
131827 HOMEWORK - 231020 양*애 완료 2023-10-22 1
131826 For being healthy 강*율 완료 2023-10-22 3
131825 Letter 권*정 완료 2023-10-22 3

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