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My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 837

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
132011 homework 정*안 완료 2023-10-30 1
132010 What would you like to acquire in life? Why? 권*희 완료 2023-10-30 682
132009 Do you want to go back to being a child again? Why or why not? 이*태 완료 2023-10-30 1159
132008 Homework 안*숙 완료 2023-10-30 1119
132007 Practice identifying someone 권*지 완료 2023-10-30 582
132006 Homework 신*화 완료 2023-10-30 888
132005 27.Oct.2023 김*정 완료 2023-10-30 1
132004 what do you enjoy doing on family gatherings? 신*정 완료 2023-10-30 689
132003 Where do you usually meet new people? 권*지 완료 2023-10-30 570
132002 Homework 정*혁 완료 2023-10-30 2112
132001 Survey 권*정 완료 2023-10-30 1
132000 Homework 김* 완료 2023-10-29 1
131999 Homework 김* 완료 2023-10-29 2
131998 HOMRWORK -231026 양*애 완료 2023-10-29 1
131997 The best place to visit in vacation, 강*율 완료 2023-10-29 2
131996 Is obesity a disease? Why or why not? 김*국 완료 2023-10-29 2
131995 Homework 김*서 완료 2023-10-29 2
131994 What to do when you get off on the wrong foot? 김*규 완료 2023-10-29 1
131993 Do you agree that stronger punishment can help reduce crimes? In... 이*희 완료 2023-10-28 1
131992 Homework 이*화 완료 2023-10-28 899

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