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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 786

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
132490 Homework 김*서 완료 2023-11-16 2
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132487 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"Would you like... 앨* 완료 2023-11-16 3
132486 Homework 김* 완료 2023-11-16 0
132485 How do you clean your body? 최*한 완료 2023-11-16 665
132484 The advantages of sharing my worries with my family 강*율 완료 2023-11-16 1
132483 Homework 류*우 완료 2023-11-16 1326
132482 Does music have the power to change your mood? 이*성 완료 2023-11-16 4
132481 Letter 박*준 완료 2023-11-16 1
132480 Survey 권*정 완료 2023-11-16 1
132479 How do you think social media platforms contribute to the... 김*진 완료 2023-11-16 1
132478 pention 권*희 완료 2023-11-16 1059
132477 homework 안*숙 완료 2023-11-16 738
132476 How long does it take you to take a shower? 권*지 완료 2023-11-16 785
132475 In English, there are sick jokes, private jokes, cruel jokes,... 윤*원 완료 2023-11-16 2
132474 My extrovert trait 임*진 완료 2023-11-16 761
132473 WRITING TASK: What is the most important organization in your... 임*지 완료 2023-11-16 7
132472 Homework 신*화 완료 2023-11-16 889
132471 Homework 정*환 완료 2023-11-16 10

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