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My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 2709

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
136372 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-04-14 2
136371 Homework 윤*선 완료 2024-04-14 2086
136370 HOMEWORK FOR 04.12.2024 WRITING TASK: Which chore do you like... 임*지 완료 2024-04-14 5
136369 What are your thoughts on Korean fashion? 차*혁 완료 2024-04-14 2440
136368 Describe a useful website 오*소 완료 2024-04-14 1
136367 How do you take care of your teeth? 김*규 완료 2024-04-13 3
136366 In Korea, there are many people who fawn on Mondays. 윤*혜 완료 2024-04-13 2330
136365 These are my favorite days :) 윤*혜 완료 2024-04-13 1894
136364 If I could have chosen any job, I wanted to be an astrophysicist. 윤*혜 완료 2024-04-13 2073
136363 Rest is very important! 윤*혜 완료 2024-04-13 2311
136362 Homework 김*서 완료 2024-04-12 2
136361 What was the last thing you accepted? 김*규 완료 2024-04-12 1
136360 Homework 장*혁 완료 2024-04-12 1950
136359 homework 04.12 최*� 완료 2024-04-12 1484
136358 What is the most famous restaurant in your country and what is... 신*규 완료 2024-04-12 1772
136357 My personality 김*아 완료 2024-04-12 2121
136356 About my neighborhood 김*아 완료 2024-04-12 1595
136355 In what ways does your family provide support during tough... 오*솜 완료 2024-04-12 2
136354 Do you enjoy outdoor activities like hiking or camping? Why or... 박*은 완료 2024-04-12 1631
136353 Can you describe a typical family dinner in your household? 박*은 완료 2024-04-12 2076

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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
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03
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