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서비스 입니다.

My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 705

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
133163 Is your hometown famous for anything? 에*미 완료 2023-12-12 3
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133160 Should students have the option of grading their teachers? Why? 임*호 완료 2023-12-12 0
133159 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"Are you afraid... 앨* 완료 2023-12-12 2
133158 Homework 장*희 완료 2023-12-12 1
133157 Homework 김*우 완료 2023-12-12 342
133156 Where i want to go in one country 이*솔 완료 2023-12-12 963
133155 What is the best thing to do after graduation? 이*원 완료 2023-12-12 0
133154 Describe your experience watching Cats. 이*원 완료 2023-12-12 0
133153 WRITING TASK: Do you think the types of collections people like... 임*지 완료 2023-12-12 1
133152 Why do you think there are so many different languages in the... 신*섭 완료 2023-12-12 319
133151 Homework 신*화 완료 2023-12-12 415
133150 Homework 신*화 완료 2023-12-12 394
133149 The role of status 임*진 완료 2023-12-12 280
133148 Advice to someone 임*진 완료 2023-12-12 649
133147 Do you prefer domestic or overseas trip? Why? 최*정 완료 2023-12-12 372
133146 What do you like best about the Korean culture? 김*국 완료 2023-12-12 3
133145 What strategies do you use to handle your duties at work when... 정*환 완료 2023-12-12 439
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