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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 661

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
133620 Homework 공*우 완료 2024-01-03 620
133619 Would you rather take an afternoon nap or spend all afternoon... 송*우 완료 2024-01-03 289
133618 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-01-03 193
133617 homework 이*숙 완료 2024-01-03 796
133616 Why do you think some people like collecting old stuff such as... 하*현 완료 2024-01-03 1
133615 Bad day 이*규 완료 2024-01-03 603
133614 Homework 김*서 완료 2024-01-03 2
133613 24/01/03 Home work 이*민 완료 2024-01-03 1
133612 How important is family connection and relations in your country? 최*정 완료 2024-01-03 784
133611 What would you do if you were late for an important class? 임*호 완료 2024-01-03 0
133610 which one would you like to achieve? 권*모 완료 2024-01-03 471
133609 How can we keep children safe from cyberbullying online? 에*미 완료 2024-01-03 1
133608 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"Would you still... 앨* 완료 2024-01-03 2
133607 WRITING TASK: Do you think it is healthy to have snacks every... 임*지 완료 2024-01-03 3
133606 HOMEWORK FOR 01.02.2024 WRITING TASK: Do you like stretching?... 임*지 완료 2024-01-03 3
133605 homework 김*린 완료 2024-01-03 1
133604 Homework 류*우 완료 2024-01-03 476
133603 Is technology making people smarter or dumber? 이*현 완료 2024-01-03 567
133602 Do you think most music (say 90%) is rubbish? 신*섭 완료 2024-01-03 270
133601 Would you like to travel alone someday? 박*현 완료 2024-01-03 290

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