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서비스 입니다.

My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 1642

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
135626 Paying for some advice 양*연 완료 2024-03-19 1262
135625 HOMEWORK - What is a busy day like for you? How do you handle it? 이*은 완료 2024-03-19 1117
135624 Body parts / 신체부위 김*진 완료 2024-03-19 2
135623 homework 임*민 완료 2024-03-19 1331
135622 homework - what makes a person feel unsuessful? 이*은 완료 2024-03-19 1404
135621 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-03-18 0
135620 homework 유*린 완료 2024-03-18 588
135619 What do you think of people comparing themselves to others? 이*윤 완료 2024-03-18 1048
135618 What health problems do you worry about most? 김*순 완료 2024-03-18 758
135617 What does a busy day look like? How do you handle it? 임*호 완료 2024-03-18 0
135616 Negotiation 이*규 완료 2024-03-18 1334
135615 question and homework 이*주 완료 2024-03-18 1485
135614 What are the things that you would/would never do for a friend? 김*규 완료 2024-03-18 0
135613 homework 03.18 최*� 완료 2024-03-18 1084
135612 Homework 장*혁 완료 2024-03-18 1048
135611 Homework 김*서 완료 2024-03-18 1
135610 Do you like going to parties or any events with your friends?... 신*규 완료 2024-03-18 976
135609 why is English fluency significant for you? 배*영 완료 2024-03-18 870
135608 Homework 이*혜 완료 2024-03-18 1
135607 homework 김*현 완료 2024-03-18 788

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