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서비스 입니다.

My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 563

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


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134525 a bad day 민*정 완료 2024-02-06 0
134524 Do you think festivals are important for counties? 최*순 완료 2024-02-06 657
134523 Homework 황*혜 완료 2024-02-06 441
134522 Diary 김*연 완료 2024-02-06 1
134521 What do you think is the worst kind of crime? 신*섭 완료 2024-02-06 335
134520 my weekends 김*아 완료 2024-02-06 471
134519 Homework 류*우 완료 2024-02-06 467
134518 Homework 윤*선 완료 2024-02-06 304
134517 Homework 김* 완료 2024-02-06 308
134516 Would you like to travel to other countries alone somday? 박*현 완료 2024-02-06 451
134515 Homework 김* 완료 2024-02-06 159
134514 Homework 권*윤 완료 2024-02-06 4
134513 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-02-06 196
134512 Different thought 고*호 완료 2024-02-06 533
134511 WRITING TASK: What was the most memorable concert you have been... 임*지 완료 2024-02-06 9
134510 At what age does a child become an adult 박*율 완료 2024-02-06 709
134509 Describe your favorite place in detail. 최*훈 완료 2024-02-06 419
134508 If you could change one thing about your current house ot make... 박*호 완료 2024-02-06 349

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