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My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 527

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


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134880 What do you want to buy for your family and friends? 권*임 완료 2024-02-21 0
134879 When I was a child 이*규 완료 2024-02-21 212
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134877 Homework 김*서 완료 2024-02-21 2
134876 I really want to see that machine. 윤*혜 완료 2024-02-21 353
134875 Why is art important? 권*희 완료 2024-02-21 227
134874 If you had the power to alter one major historical event, what... 임*호 완료 2024-02-21 0
134873 hurricane 민*정 완료 2024-02-21 0
134872 My preference of travel style 김*민 완료 2024-02-21 393
134871 Homework 김* 완료 2024-02-21 145
134870 Homework 김* 완료 2024-02-21 166
134869 Homework 김* 완료 2024-02-21 229
134868 Homework 류*우 완료 2024-02-21 611
134867 Homework 윤*선 완료 2024-02-21 386
134866 What kind of animal would you like to have as a pet? 박*현 완료 2024-02-21 361
134865 People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. 임*선 완료 2024-02-21 175
134864 Homework 김*서 완료 2024-02-21 2
134863 WRITING TASK: What banking system do you enjoy now in your... 임*지 완료 2024-02-21 2

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