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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 796

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


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139821 Is it always good to participate in contest or competitions? 박*현 완료 2024-09-10 338
139820 What do you like the most about your family? 정*영 완료 2024-09-10 154
139819 Feeling sad 이*규 완료 2024-09-10 440
139818 homework 김*우 완료 2024-09-10 2
139817 Homework : What is the most valuable item you\'ve ever spent... 이*범 완료 2024-09-10 315
139816 A recent activity that I enjoyed 노*철 완료 2024-09-10 477
139815 Do you want to travel to outer space? Why, or why not? 이*임 완료 2024-09-10 359
139814 five years 민*정 완료 2024-09-10 1
139813 homework 심*진 완료 2024-09-10 1
139812 The things I want to tell you 이*연 완료 2024-09-10 350
139811 Homework 김*님 완료 2024-09-10 261
139810 What’s the most unusual drink you’ve ever tried, and did you... 임*미 완료 2024-09-10 372
139809 HOMEWORK FOR 09.09.2024 WRITING TASK: Were there any particular... 임*지 완료 2024-09-10 2
139808 What is your favorite room in your house? Why? 윤*원 완료 2024-09-10 0
139807 What do you think is the easiest job in the world? 윤*원 완료 2024-09-10 0
139806 Have you ever been in a storm before? What did you do to stay... 윤*원 완료 2024-09-10 0

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