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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 416

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
135950 Where I would like to stay during retirement 김*민 완료 2024-03-28 321
135949 Is it necessary to have a goal in life? 오*현 완료 2024-03-28 328
135948 Do you think Mondays are the best or worst day of the week? Why? 황*은 완료 2024-03-28 342
135947 HW 나*진 완료 2024-03-28 433
135946 My advice about life to elementary students 김*민 완료 2024-03-28 416
135945 HOMEWORK FOR 03.28.2024 임*지 완료 2024-03-28 4
135944 The implication of having an aging population. 김*민 완료 2024-03-28 179
135943 Youth is a state of mind! 김*민 완료 2024-03-28 293
135942 HOMEWORK 하*지 완료 2024-03-28 258
135941 What are the most common accidents that occur in the kitchen? 박*호 완료 2024-03-28 377
135940 Which gender is better at giving advice? 양*연 완료 2024-03-28 338
135939 Homework 김*님 완료 2024-03-28 410
135938 What do you think of single-parent households? 오*소 완료 2024-03-28 1
135937 Write about your ideal vacation. 이*윤 완료 2024-03-27 541
135936 homework 유*린 완료 2024-03-27 321
135935 Homework 윤*선 완료 2024-03-27 436
135934 HOMEWORK 이*준 완료 2024-03-27 364
135933 How have cars improved our lives or have caused more problems... 김*규 완료 2024-03-27 1
135932 How do you take care of your body? 최*성 완료 2024-03-27 221
135931 What is Parents’ Day? 최*성 완료 2024-03-27 336

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03
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04

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