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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 425

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
136057 Homework 김*서 완료 2024-04-02 1
136056 What hobby would you like to try? 김*환 완료 2024-04-02 388
136055 Describe your favorite fictional character. 임*호 완료 2024-04-02 3
136054 How do you take care of your health? 차*혁 완료 2024-04-02 179
136053 Do you like drawing as a hobby? Explain your answer. 차*진 완료 2024-04-02 251
136052 Name three things that you can do best. 권*지 완료 2024-04-02 2
136051 Do you think people hardly communicate these days? 권*지 완료 2024-04-02 3
136050 HOMEWORK 김*제 완료 2024-04-02 303
136049 Homework 김*숙 완료 2024-04-02 248
136048 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"What is the... 앨* 완료 2024-04-02 0
136047 cheer up 민*정 완료 2024-04-02 2
136046 What do you enjoy most about school and why? 에*미 완료 2024-04-02 2
136045 What do you do in the minutes before you sleep? Does it help you... 박*은 완료 2024-04-02 178
136044 Homework 권*윤 완료 2024-04-02 3
136043 What have you lost while traveling? 박*진 완료 2024-04-02 249
136042 Homework 윤*선 완료 2024-04-02 267
136041 Homework 류*우 완료 2024-04-02 171
136040 Homework 박*혜 완료 2024-04-02 246
136039 WRITING TASK: What can you do for people who have sleeping... 임*지 완료 2024-04-02 7
136038 What advice would you give someone considering getting a pet for... 김*현 완료 2024-04-02 4

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