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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 433

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
136137 Page.37 김*진 완료 2024-04-04 2
136136 What do you usually order in your favorite restaurant? 맹*영 완료 2024-04-04 295
136135 Homework 장*혁 완료 2024-04-04 395
136134 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-04-04 1
136133 What are the questions you ask yourself before inviting someone? 김*환 완료 2024-04-04 220
136132 What kind of feelings do you usually feel every day? Write about... 차*진 완료 2024-04-04 280
136131 How are you different from your best friend? Describe your... 차*혁 완료 2024-04-04 538
136130 What do you think the importance of traveling is? 신*호 완료 2024-04-04 2
136129 Running low 이*규 완료 2024-04-04 441
136128 Do you think it\'s important to stand up for what you believe... 에*미 완료 2024-04-04 2
136127 Homework 김*숙 완료 2024-04-04 200
136126 To prefer to be a leader than a follower 최*환 완료 2024-04-04 227
136125 WRITING TASK: What are the key differences between various types... 임*지 완료 2024-04-04 6
136124 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"What do you do... 앨* 완료 2024-04-04 1
136123 companion animal 민*정 완료 2024-04-04 0
136122 I use the sentence words 신*지 완료 2024-04-04 210
136121 When are the best times for silence? Some people say that... 박*은 완료 2024-04-04 223
136120 Homework 류*우 완료 2024-04-04 313
136119 Homework 윤*선 완료 2024-04-04 208
136118 Talk about a memorable meal you have had. 이*태 완료 2024-04-04 273

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