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My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 811

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
139933 Homework 김*서 완료 2024-09-18 1
139932 Front-row seat 민*정 완료 2024-09-18 1
139931 Homework : What is a chore that you really dislike doing? Why... 이*범 완료 2024-09-18 17
139930 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-09-18 2
139929 Do you help your parents do some household chors? 박*현 완료 2024-09-18 440
139928 alchol party 임*준 완료 2024-09-18 157
139927 What do you do to relax after a busy day? 윤*원 완료 2024-09-18 0
139926 Homework 오*봄 완료 2024-09-17 0
139925 How do you usually celebrate Chuseok? 차*혁 완료 2024-09-17 355
139924 What are your thoughts on gardening as a job. 차*혁 완료 2024-09-17 444
139923 homework 심*진 완료 2024-09-16 4
139922 Do you think modern life has limited the time we spend on... 최*정 완료 2024-09-16 1
139921 Home work 신*라 완료 2024-09-15 435
139920 Homework 노*철 완료 2024-09-14 231
139919 What do you think of the proverb, \"beauty is in the eye of the... 윤*원 완료 2024-09-13 0
139918 Homework 오*봄 완료 2024-09-13 1
139917 What are the things best talked about over a drink? 김*린 완료 2024-09-13 325
139916 Homework 오*봄 완료 2024-09-13 1
139915 According to your condition 임*준 완료 2024-09-13 78
139914 Can you talk about three people who have influenced your life? 김*규 완료 2024-09-13 2

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