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서비스 입니다.

My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 466

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


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136493 holiday 박*진 완료 2024-04-17 359
136492 Homework 권*윤 완료 2024-04-17 1
136491 What do you like most about living in Korea? 박*은 완료 2024-04-17 310
136490 Did you fo through training in your workplace? How was it like? 진*호 완료 2024-04-17 4
136489 Would you like to have a set of jewelry with your birthstone in... 박*현 완료 2024-04-17 221
136488 2024.04.16 남*례 완료 2024-04-17 309
136487 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-04-17 3
136486 Homework 류*우 완료 2024-04-17 265
136485 Homework 윤*선 완료 2024-04-17 459
136484 I think there is no end to learning, and the continuation of... 윤*혜 완료 2024-04-17 276
136483 Every day of the week requires a proper rest. 윤*혜 완료 2024-04-17 343
136482 The closest person I respect is my family. 윤*혜 완료 2024-04-17 301
136481 What are some important things to consider when planning a trip... 윤*진 완료 2024-04-17 2
136480 How do weekends make you feel? 윤*원 완료 2024-04-17 0
136479 HW 나*진 완료 2024-04-17 283
136478 Is it important for a country to have zoos? Why or why not? 송*하 완료 2024-04-17 410
136477 What do you think is the difference between a fear that is... 박*호 완료 2024-04-17 268
136476 My point of view about bullying. 최* 완료 2024-04-17 251
136475 why 민*정 완료 2024-04-17 4

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