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My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 534

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


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137184 Homework 장*혁 완료 2024-05-15 373
137183 Homework 김*서 완료 2024-05-14 0
137182 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-05-14 1
137181 Passion 이*규 완료 2024-05-14 376
137180 Loving everyone 우*민 완료 2024-05-14 2
137179 What is the first thing that you always do when you visit a new... 김*규 완료 2024-05-14 1
137178 relax and rest 임*준 완료 2024-05-14 385
137177 Tuesday homework. 전*람 완료 2024-05-14 2
137176 HW 양*윤 완료 2024-05-14 371
137175 homework 05.14 최*� 완료 2024-05-14 574
137174 Is there one true religion in your opinion? 임*호 완료 2024-05-14 1
137173 Homework 김*숙 완료 2024-05-14 400
137172 Do you like hanmging out at a book atore? What do you think of... 오*혁 완료 2024-05-14 0
137171 fanatic 민*정 완료 2024-05-14 1
137170 Can singing be learned or are people born with the ability to... 박*호 완료 2024-05-14 365
137169 Which do you like better, magazines or newspapers? 박*은 완료 2024-05-14 365
137168 Homework 류*우 완료 2024-05-14 369
137167 Homework 7 송*훈 완료 2024-05-14 385

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