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My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 818

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
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140009 Home work 신*라 완료 2024-09-23 218
140008 How do you feel when you say \"yes\" to something you don\'t... 이*희 완료 2024-09-23 3
140007 What activities do you like to do in autumn? 박*은 완료 2024-09-23 241
140006 What do you need right now? Why? 최*한 완료 2024-09-23 225
140005 Homework 류*우 완료 2024-09-23 287
140004 It can\'t be called sport without safety. 임*준 완료 2024-09-23 149
140003 homework for Sep 23 서*한 완료 2024-09-23 372
140002 Homework 윤*영 완료 2024-09-23 145
140001 How important are cosmetics 김*연 완료 2024-09-23 313
140000 Which websites are popular among the younger generation? 최*정 완료 2024-09-23 1
139999 The pros of getting a prescription 양*연 완료 2024-09-23 358
139998 What are your retirement plans? 김*경 완료 2024-09-23 274
139997 What are the things that you care less about now? How did your... 임*미 완료 2024-09-23 85
139996 Homework 김*님 완료 2024-09-23 366
139995 What do you do when you see someone in danger? 윤*원 완료 2024-09-23 0
139994 Page 20. 김*진 완료 2024-09-23 0

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