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서비스 입니다.

My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 552

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
137400 Describe a new thing you\'ve tried recently. 이*태 완료 2024-05-24 453
137399 What is the most sensible gift? 이*태 완료 2024-05-24 518
137398 Do you think you are getting more patient or impatient as you... 박*호 완료 2024-05-24 517
137397 Language that I dislike the sound of 양*연 완료 2024-05-24 372
137396 Keeping endangered animals safe 이*규 완료 2024-05-24 609
137395 selfish DNA 임*준 완료 2024-05-24 415
137394 Page.29 김*진 완료 2024-05-24 1
137393 Homework 장*혁 완료 2024-05-23 207
137392 Do people\'s leisure time activities change as they get older?... 김*환 완료 2024-05-23 392
137391 HOMEWORK FOR 05/22 최*진 완료 2024-05-23 4
137390 Homework 김*서 완료 2024-05-23 1
137389 What songs or music would you like to fall asleep to? 박*은 완료 2024-05-23 532
137388 What do you think of rainforests? 차*혁 완료 2024-05-23 486
137387 Homework 홍*선 완료 2024-05-23 0
137386 What do you think is the worst month among the old Korean... 차*혁 완료 2024-05-23 827
137385 Where do you think is the most dangerous place to go on a trip?... 차*진 완료 2024-05-23 519
137384 Do you shop online? Do you like it? Why? 차*진 완료 2024-05-23 457
137383 Choose one: Moon or Sun and why? 최*성 완료 2024-05-23 452
137382 make me stay 민*정 완료 2024-05-23 1
137381 Have you ever visited anyone at the hospital? Write about it. 오*혁 완료 2024-05-23 0

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