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My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 1701

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
139720 Homework 권*미 완료 2024-09-05 0
139719 Homework 권*미 완료 2024-09-05 1
139718 Q) Do you think job satisfaction is more important than salary... 최*영 완료 2024-09-05 8
139717 Homework : How do you usually celebrate your birthday 이*범 완료 2024-09-05 997
139716 Homework 장*희 완료 2024-09-05 2
139715 homework! 최*연 완료 2024-09-05 1203
139714 A food of taking me back 오*영 완료 2024-09-05 1464
139713 homework 심*진 완료 2024-09-05 2
139712 homework 이*수 완료 2024-09-05 1995
139711 What are your short term and long term goals? 김*린 완료 2024-09-05 1223
139710 HOMEWORK FOR 09.04.2024 WRITING TASK: What do you enjoy... 임*지 완료 2024-09-05 3
139709 Why do you think mountains are important for the environment and... 박*호 완료 2024-09-05 1467
139708 What’s a plan you made as a kid that you still think about... 임*미 완료 2024-09-05 1758
139707 Homewrk 김*님 완료 2024-09-05 1335
139706 What is the biggest change this world needs? 김*연 완료 2024-09-05 1625
139705 Would life be boring without risk? 김*규 완료 2024-09-04 0
139704 Homework 오*봄 완료 2024-09-04 3
139703 family reunion 박*애 완료 2024-09-04 2
139702 Homework 김*서 완료 2024-09-04 0
139701 Homework_Day1 (Q. Do you think greetings can influence the... 류*경 완료 2024-09-04 1151

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