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My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 826

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
140096 Homework 김*숙 완료 2024-09-26 119
140095 How is a mistake different from an error? 김*진 완료 2024-09-26 160
140094 If you had to teach a class for a day, what would you teach and... 박*은 완료 2024-09-26 281
140093 september.25 임*실 완료 2024-09-26 144
140092 Would you rather drive your car or use public transportation?... 한*연 완료 2024-09-26 150
140091 Homework 류*우 완료 2024-09-26 212
140090 Homework 김*서 완료 2024-09-26 0
140089 What do you think is the smallest marine mammal? 박*현 완료 2024-09-26 274
140088 Homework 권*미 완료 2024-09-26 0
140087 whenever I hear the expression \"unique\", I come to~ 이*임 완료 2024-09-26 1
140086 The three adjectives best describe my favorite food are 이*임 완료 2024-09-26 2
140085 In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still... 김*연 완료 2024-09-26 174
140084 Homework 노*철 완료 2024-09-26 159
140083 share 민*정 완료 2024-09-26 0
140082 What kind of organization are you dreaming of creating? 김*린 완료 2024-09-26 170
140081 Among people who you are not related to, who has helped you most... 임*미 완료 2024-09-26 124
140080 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-09-25 1
140079 Home work 신*라 완료 2024-09-25 288
140078 Education system of korea 박*경 완료 2024-09-25 228
140077 Does watching movies in English help you learn English? 오*민 완료 2024-09-25 178

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