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My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 1725

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


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139877 Do you think you chose the right career path? Why or why not? 한*연 완료 2024-09-12 1412
139876 Are there any hobbies that you think are not worthwhile? 최*정 완료 2024-09-12 4
139875 mine 민*정 완료 2024-09-12 1
139874 Do you think holidays are important? Why? 정*영 완료 2024-09-12 1426
139873 HOMEWORK FOR 09.11.2024 WRITING TASK: How can you handle a... 임*지 완료 2024-09-12 4
139872 neighbor 민*정 완료 2024-09-12 1
139871 homework 심*진 완료 2024-09-12 1
139870 HOMEWORK FOR 09/11 Writing Task 이*주 완료 2024-09-12 4
139869 Homework 노*철 진행중 2024-09-12 1155
139868 What’s something interesting or unique about drinking culture... 임*미 완료 2024-09-12 1202
139867 Homework : How often do you clean your room? What do you usually... 이*범 완료 2024-09-12 1441
139866 What chores are your responsibility? 윤*원 완료 2024-09-11 0

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