¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The implication of having an aging population.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2024-03-28 467

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

We talked about this issues at the class on March 28 :) But I want to express my opinions more.

The increasing of population the elderly and decreasing of birthrate are very serious social issues in Korea.
I think aging phenomenon in Korea is serious when I realized that amount of my pension will be small after retirement even if I pay a lot of pension premium :(

But I think Korean government don't try to make fundamental solutions. I was very shocked that government announced a policy of hiring foreign domestic workers to solve the low birthrate!

In Korea, gender salary gap is the most severe among the OECD countries and the unemployment rate of women is higher than that of men.
Also I think that the social atmosphere in which husbands don't help with childcare is one of the key reasons of for the decline in birth rates.
Therefore, I insist the fundamental solution of increasing birthrate is improving Korean's gender sensitivity.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

I want to clap as I am very impressed with your answer, Min. ^^ It¡¯s very rare nowadays that people like you would analyze these social dilemmas. Amazing and fantastic work!
-Khai

We talked about this issues at the class on March 28 :) 

>> CORRECT

But I want to express my opinions more.

>> CORRECT

OR

>> However, I would like to share more of what I think.

The increasing of population the elderly and decreasing of birthrate are very serious social issues in Korea.

>> The increase in the elderly population and the decrease in birthrate are very serous social issues in Korea.

I think aging phenomenon in Korea is serious when I realized that amount of my pension will be small after retirement even if I pay a lot of pension premium :(

>> I think the aging phenomenon in Korea is serious. I realized that the amount of my pension will be small after my retirement, even if I pay the premium. :(

But I think Korean government don't try to make fundamental solutions. 

>> But I think the Korean government doesn¡¯t think about this and doesn¡¯t try to find fundamental solutions.

I was very shocked that government announced a policy of hiring foreign domestic workers to solve the low birthrate!

>> CORRECT

In Korea, gender salary gap is the most severe among the OECD countries and the unemployment rate of women is higher than that of men.

>> In Korea, the gender salary gap is the most severe among the OECD countries, and the unemployment rate of women is higher than that of men.

Also I think that the social atmosphere in which husbands don't help with childcare is one of the key reasons of for the decline in birth rates.

>> Also, I think that the social atmosphere in which husbands don't help with childcare is one of the key reasons for the decline in birth rates.

Therefore, I insist the fundamental solution of increasing birthrate is improving Korean's gender sensitivity.

>> Therefore, I insist the fundamental solution to increasing birthrate is improving Korean's gender sensitivity.


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139873 HOMEWORK FOR 09.11.2024 WRITING TASK: How can you handle a... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-09-12 1
139872 neighbor ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-12 1
139871 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-09-12 1
139870 HOMEWORK FOR 09/11 Writing Task ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-12 4
139869 Homework ³ë*ö ÁøÇàÁß 2024-09-12 383
139868 What¡¯s something interesting or unique about drinking culture... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-12 293
139867 Homework : How often do you clean your room? What do you usually... ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2024-09-12 445
139866 What chores are your responsibility? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-09-11 0
139865 Do you think you can teach someone to be successful? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-11 361
139864 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-11 1
139863 home work ½Å*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-09-11 428
139862 I like the conversation with the new person. ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2024-09-11 3
139861 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-11 2
139860 Describe a moment when you felt truly proud of yourself. What... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-09-11 383
139859 Do you ever eat a midnight snack? What do you like to eat late... ¿À*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-09-11 304
139858 Home work ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-09-11 179
139857 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-11 435
139856 . À±*¹® ¿Ï·á 2024-09-11 2
139855 How do you usually spend your Chuseok holiday? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-11 4
139854 Q) When you were a child, what did you want to grow up to be? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-11 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04