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영작교정 게시판

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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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HOMEWORK

작성자: 김*제
2024-03-27 1302

회원님의 영작문

My opinion is that it is not really necessary to have a curfew law.

Firstly, when you have a curfew law, you will feel like you're in a cage.You won't have freedom!And also, there are some parties which is for kids and let's say it finishes at 10:00p.m. but you have several adults looking after the kids.For me, this seems okay.But some countries have a curfew law saying that even with adults, kids can not stay out late.

Secondly, when you go to a flight trip,you will search for cheaper tickets.For example, the cheapest ticket takes off at ten pm and lands at two am.But because of the curfew law, you have to buy tickets which is more expensive.

These are the reasons which explain why it's not nessecary to have a curfew law.What about you?

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good job, Minje!
Your points about feeling restricted and the impact on travel choices are valid considerations. It's important to balance safety concerns with individual freedoms and practicalities.
~ Teacher Maxine

My opinion is that it is not really necessary to have a curfew law.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> In my view, having a curfew law is not truly essential.

Firstly, when you have a curfew law, you will feel like you're in a cage.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> Firstly, having a curfew law can make one feel restricted, as if confined in a cage.

You won't have freedom! 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> It limits one's freedom!

And also, there are some parties which is for kids and let's say it finishes at 10:00p.m. but you have several adults looking after the kids.
>> Additionally, there are some parties that are for kids and let's say it finishes at 10:00 p.m., but you have several adults looking after the kids. 

For me, this seems okay. But some countries have a curfew law saying that even with adults, kids can not stay out late.
>> For me, this seems okay, but some countries have a curfew law saying that even with adults, kids cannot stay out late.

Secondly, when you go to a flight trip,you will search for cheaper tickets. 
>> Secondly, when you go on a flight trip, you will search for cheaper tickets. 

For example, the cheapest ticket takes off at ten pm and lands at two am. But because of the curfew law, you have to buy tickets which is more expensive.
>>For example, the cheapest ticket takes off at 10 p.m. and lands at 2 a.m. However, due to the curfew law, you have to purchase more expensive tickets.

These are the reasons which explain why it's not nessecary to have a curfew law.What about you?
>> These are the reasons that explain why it's not necessary to have a curfew law. What about you?
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