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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

HW

작성자: 나*진
2024-03-26 2239

회원님의 영작문

Neople is a gaming company best known for Dungeon & Fighter and Cyphers. Dungeon & Fighter is a belt-scroll action game launched in 2005, known for Easy-to-learn, hard-to-master accessibility, action-packed gameplay and iconic, pixelated art, making itself one of the world’s most popular and enduring game franchises . It made a great sucess in Korea and China, not only represents Neople but also stands as a flagship Korean gaming IP. Its success have been proven through numbers, it got over 850 million registered users worldwide, and achieve Life-to-date gross revenue well over $22 billion USD. This gross revenue is several billion dollars more than life-to-date box office of Star Wars and Harry Potter series; more than double the revenue of the entire Avengers series1. It have been serviced for a long time, constantly evolving for 18 years with new characters, skills and communities. Furthermore, there is still much potential that this game would expand their territory more, by using

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Eugene!
Your response demonstrates a strong understanding of Neople and its flagship games. To improve, your description could be more concise and structured, focusing on key points such as the company's successes and a bit of your potential contributions as well. Overall, it's a great response with notable details. It's clear that you made your research. In addition, I think you ran out of space for the last sentence. I'll just put an ellipsis for now. I'm going to listen to what you have to add during our class. See you! 
~ Teacher Maxine

Neople is a gaming company best known for Dungeon & Fighter and Cyphers. 
>> CORRECT!

Dungeon & Fighter is a belt-scroll action game launched in 2005, known for Easy-to-learn, hard-to-master accessibility, action-packed gameplay and iconic, pixelated art, making itself one of the world’s most popular and enduring game franchises . 
>> Dungeon & Fighter is a belt-scroll action game launched in 2005, known for its easy-to-learn, hard-to-master accessibility, action-packed gameplay, and iconic, pixelated art, making it one of the world’s most popular and enduring game franchises.

It made a great sucess in Korea and China, not only represents Neople but also stands as a flagship Korean gaming IP. 
>> It has achieved great success in Korea and China, not only representing Neople but also standing as a flagship Korean gaming IP.

Its success have been proven through numbers, it got over 850 million registered users worldwide, and achieve Life-to-date gross revenue well over $22 billion USD. 
>> Its success has been proven through numbers; it has over 850 million registered users worldwide and has achieved life-to-date gross revenue well over $22 billion USD.

This gross revenue is several billion dollars more than life-to-date box office of Star Wars and Harry Potter series; more than double the revenue of the entire Avengers series1. 
>> This gross revenue is several billion dollars more than the life-to-date box office of the Star Wars and Harry Potter series; more than double the revenue of the entire Avengers series.

It have been serviced for a long time, constantly evolving for 18 years with new characters, skills and communities. 
>> It has been in service for a long time, constantly evolving for 18 years with new characters, skills, and communities.

Furthermore, there is still much potential that this game would expand their territory more, by using
>> Furthermore, there is still much potential for this game to expand its territory further by using...
번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
138500 difficult task/project at work 최*정 완료 2024-07-15 8
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138498 What matters to you the most, intelligence or physical... 이*윤 완료 2024-07-15 1897
138497 My current job 한*자 완료 2024-07-15 6
138496 Page.21 김*진 완료 2024-07-15 7
138495 If you could change one thing about your culture, what would it... 권*지 완료 2024-07-15 2
138494 How can you divide your time effectively between work and leisure 권*지 완료 2024-07-15 1
138493 How does reading novels enrich your understanding of human... 박*호 완료 2024-07-15 2038
138492 HOMEWORK 정*환 완료 2024-07-15 1601
138491 How important is a person\'s appearance? 황*은 완료 2024-07-15 1430
138490 Homework 오*봄 완료 2024-07-14 1
138489 Homework 김*서 완료 2024-07-14 1
138488 If you had time and money, how would you spend your weekend. 차*혁 완료 2024-07-14 1344
138487 dependable 민*정 완료 2024-07-14 4
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138485 What do you think is the best time for a kid to sleep? Explain. 차*진 완료 2024-07-14 1394
138484 Do you think it is more important to make a lot of money or to... 김*환 완료 2024-07-14 1324
138483 HOMEWORK 주*민 완료 2024-07-14 1507
138482 HOMEWORK 주*민 완료 2024-07-14 1418
138481 HOMEWORK 주*민 완료 2024-07-14 2024

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01
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02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
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03
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종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
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04

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