¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*Á¦
2024-03-21 602

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My opinion:Books are better

Televisions:
Advantages:
You can watch funny TV shows and cartoons
It can give you new informations quickly
As for books, you have to buy them each time, but not for televisions
Disadvantages:
Your eyes can hurt
Maybe there would be violent channels
If you watch it too much, you will maybe have difficulty to read, or to write.

Books:
Advantages:
It will be healthier than TV
Your eyes woudn't hurt
Your writing skills can improve
You can get more informations than TV
Disadvanges:
You have to buy them each time

Opinion:
In my opinion, I think books are better.
Books are good for concentrating ourselves and as you read books, you can get many information than the TV.
Also, when you read the book, you can improve your writing skills.For example,you can learn how to divide paragraphs,you can learn which signs you put for talking,thinking or when you start explaining.In addition,if you watch TV too much time, your eyes can have a serious problem.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Great job, Minje!
Books offer numerous advantages such as enhancing concentration, providing in-depth information, and improving writing skills. Reading books allows us to delve into various topics, understand complex ideas, and develop critical thinking skills. Moreover, unlike TV, excessive screen time can lead to eye strain and other health issues. Overall, books offer a more enriching and beneficial experience compared to television. 
Just a reminder: When writing your sentences for the advantages and disadvantages of each side, don't forget about the proper punctuation mark at the end. In addition, when you proceed to the next sentence, put a space after the period. Lastly, be careful with spelling. :)
Anyhow, you really did well on this homework. I appreciate all the details. Below this message, I listed some sentences and words that needed improvement. Please review my recommendations. 
~ Teacher Maxine 

It can give you new informations quickly.
>> It can give you new information quickly.

Your eyes woudn't hurt.
>> Your eyes wouldn't hurt.

Disadvanges
>> Disadvantages 

In my opinion, I think books are better.
>> In my opinion, books are better.

Books are good for concentrating ourselves and as you read books, you can get many information than the TV.
>> Books are beneficial for improving concentration. Additionally, reading books provides more information compared to watching TV.

Also, when you read the book, you can improve your writing skills.For example,you can learn how to divide paragraphs,you can learn which signs you put for talking,thinking or when you start explaining.
>> Reading books can improve your writing skills. For example, you can learn how to divide paragraphs and when to use punctuation for dialogue, thoughts, or explanations.

In addition,if you watch TV too much time, your eyes can have a serious problem.
>> Moreover, spending too much time watching TV can lead to serious eye problems.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
132333 I have both an outgoing personality and an introverted... ¹Ú*À² ¿Ï·á 2023-11-10 962
132332 Homework ÀÌ*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-10 803
132331 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-10 903
132330 Which country do you think has the world¡¯s best entertainment? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2023-11-10 3
132329 homework ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2023-11-10 2
132328 What were your best and worst trips? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-11-10 786
132327 Does technology affect your relationship with your kids or... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-10 1010
132326 How do you maintain your motivation when you fail? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-10 989
132325 What jobs in your country are considered to be good jobs? Why? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-10 2007
132324 The strength of small change ÀÓ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-11-10 838
132323 Significance of being capable of speaking in English in hotel... Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-10 718
132322 Tell something about the personality of each member of your... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-10 1742
132321 How do you maintain your motivation when you fail? Á¶*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-11-10 928
132320 What other job vacancies have you seen available on the... ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-11-10 1
132319 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-11-10 968
132318 Tell something about your work, like what you do? What are some... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-10 1227
132317 Asking favors ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-11-10 842
132316 What is a language barrier and how does it affect you? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-11-09 899
132315 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-09 1
132314 homework 11.09 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-11-09 953

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04