¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*Á¦
2024-03-21 975

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My opinion:Books are better

Televisions:
Advantages:
You can watch funny TV shows and cartoons
It can give you new informations quickly
As for books, you have to buy them each time, but not for televisions
Disadvantages:
Your eyes can hurt
Maybe there would be violent channels
If you watch it too much, you will maybe have difficulty to read, or to write.

Books:
Advantages:
It will be healthier than TV
Your eyes woudn't hurt
Your writing skills can improve
You can get more informations than TV
Disadvanges:
You have to buy them each time

Opinion:
In my opinion, I think books are better.
Books are good for concentrating ourselves and as you read books, you can get many information than the TV.
Also, when you read the book, you can improve your writing skills.For example,you can learn how to divide paragraphs,you can learn which signs you put for talking,thinking or when you start explaining.In addition,if you watch TV too much time, your eyes can have a serious problem.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Great job, Minje!
Books offer numerous advantages such as enhancing concentration, providing in-depth information, and improving writing skills. Reading books allows us to delve into various topics, understand complex ideas, and develop critical thinking skills. Moreover, unlike TV, excessive screen time can lead to eye strain and other health issues. Overall, books offer a more enriching and beneficial experience compared to television. 
Just a reminder: When writing your sentences for the advantages and disadvantages of each side, don't forget about the proper punctuation mark at the end. In addition, when you proceed to the next sentence, put a space after the period. Lastly, be careful with spelling. :)
Anyhow, you really did well on this homework. I appreciate all the details. Below this message, I listed some sentences and words that needed improvement. Please review my recommendations. 
~ Teacher Maxine 

It can give you new informations quickly.
>> It can give you new information quickly.

Your eyes woudn't hurt.
>> Your eyes wouldn't hurt.

Disadvanges
>> Disadvantages 

In my opinion, I think books are better.
>> In my opinion, books are better.

Books are good for concentrating ourselves and as you read books, you can get many information than the TV.
>> Books are beneficial for improving concentration. Additionally, reading books provides more information compared to watching TV.

Also, when you read the book, you can improve your writing skills.For example,you can learn how to divide paragraphs,you can learn which signs you put for talking,thinking or when you start explaining.
>> Reading books can improve your writing skills. For example, you can learn how to divide paragraphs and when to use punctuation for dialogue, thoughts, or explanations.

In addition,if you watch TV too much time, your eyes can have a serious problem.
>> Moreover, spending too much time watching TV can lead to serious eye problems.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
135973 homework 03.28 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-03-28 1197
135972 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-28 1865
135971 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-28 1254
135970 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-28 1
135969 Someone who is always willing to help me ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-03-28 1129
135968 forget ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-28 2
135967 What are your thoughts on countries invading other countries and... ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-28 2
135966 Homework ¼Û*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-28 989
135965 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-28 1327
135964 Homework ¼Û*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-28 1258
135963 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"What do you... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2024-03-28 0
135962 homework ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-28 709
135961 Why is it important to reflect on our experiences? ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-03-28 0
135960 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-28 918
135959 Would you rather be rich or happy? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-28 1
135958 Do you wish it rain more or rain less where you live? Why? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-28 1318
135957 what do you want to include in your ideal fitness program? ¹Ú*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-28 941
135956 Which car brand/model is becoming popular among your peers? What... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-03-28 2
135955 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-03-28 808
135954 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-03-28 1223

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04