¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*Á¦
2024-03-21 386

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My opinion:Books are better

Televisions:
Advantages:
You can watch funny TV shows and cartoons
It can give you new informations quickly
As for books, you have to buy them each time, but not for televisions
Disadvantages:
Your eyes can hurt
Maybe there would be violent channels
If you watch it too much, you will maybe have difficulty to read, or to write.

Books:
Advantages:
It will be healthier than TV
Your eyes woudn't hurt
Your writing skills can improve
You can get more informations than TV
Disadvanges:
You have to buy them each time

Opinion:
In my opinion, I think books are better.
Books are good for concentrating ourselves and as you read books, you can get many information than the TV.
Also, when you read the book, you can improve your writing skills.For example,you can learn how to divide paragraphs,you can learn which signs you put for talking,thinking or when you start explaining.In addition,if you watch TV too much time, your eyes can have a serious problem.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Great job, Minje!
Books offer numerous advantages such as enhancing concentration, providing in-depth information, and improving writing skills. Reading books allows us to delve into various topics, understand complex ideas, and develop critical thinking skills. Moreover, unlike TV, excessive screen time can lead to eye strain and other health issues. Overall, books offer a more enriching and beneficial experience compared to television. 
Just a reminder: When writing your sentences for the advantages and disadvantages of each side, don't forget about the proper punctuation mark at the end. In addition, when you proceed to the next sentence, put a space after the period. Lastly, be careful with spelling. :)
Anyhow, you really did well on this homework. I appreciate all the details. Below this message, I listed some sentences and words that needed improvement. Please review my recommendations. 
~ Teacher Maxine 

It can give you new informations quickly.
>> It can give you new information quickly.

Your eyes woudn't hurt.
>> Your eyes wouldn't hurt.

Disadvanges
>> Disadvantages 

In my opinion, I think books are better.
>> In my opinion, books are better.

Books are good for concentrating ourselves and as you read books, you can get many information than the TV.
>> Books are beneficial for improving concentration. Additionally, reading books provides more information compared to watching TV.

Also, when you read the book, you can improve your writing skills.For example,you can learn how to divide paragraphs,you can learn which signs you put for talking,thinking or when you start explaining.
>> Reading books can improve your writing skills. For example, you can learn how to divide paragraphs and when to use punctuation for dialogue, thoughts, or explanations.

In addition,if you watch TV too much time, your eyes can have a serious problem.
>> Moreover, spending too much time watching TV can lead to serious eye problems.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
137290 would you like to read more? What do you get out of reading? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 472
137289 2024.05.20 ¼÷Á¦ ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 494
137288 How do you show you care for old people? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 615
137287 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 370
137286 Homework 9 ¼Û*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 556
137285 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 1
137284 homework ±è*º° ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 2
137283 in the kitchen ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 1
137282 What place in your country will you never recommend to be... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 3
137281 HOMEWORK FOR 05.17.2024 WRITING TASK: Who do you always keep... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 3
137280 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 281
137279 What are some morning rituals or habits you follow to kickstart... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 445
137278 How does your culture or society view aging, and how does it... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 468
137277 What concerns or fears, if any, do you have about retirement? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 400
137276 Why do you think that money is such a sensitivve topic? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 0
137275 HW ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 1
137274 Tell me your opinion about the latest news you\'ve heard in your... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 2
137273 Tell me a little about Seoul When is the best time to visit? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 2
137272 Page.20 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 2
137271 How do global cuisines influence breakfast choices? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-20 521

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04