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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

HW

작성자: 나*진
2024-03-20 1017

회원님의 영작문

In the webtoon industry, there are limitations in terms of market size and growth potential. I looked at the market from the perspective of economies of scale, considering that the game market is about 240 trillion won, while the webtoon market is about 6 trillion won. I decided to switch to the game industry because I want to make a result from greater potential for market development and grow myself along the market.
Secondly, I have always been passionate about gaming, and it has been a constant friend in my life. This is why I want to make my passion work for gaming business. I initially entered into the webtoon industry due to my love for paper comics, but while gaining practical experience, I realized significant differences between the two fields. Consequently, I naturally gravitated towards the gaming industry, an area that I genuinely love and feel confident in.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Eugene!
In your answer, you provided a clear comparison between the webtoon and gaming markets in terms of size and growth potential, showcasing your strategic thinking and understanding of market dynamics. Additionally, you emphasized your personal passion for gaming and how it has influenced your career aspirations, which adds a genuine and relatable touch to your answer. These are two clear points from your response. I suggest to have a quick introductory sentence before explaining your first key point. 
For example, "I've always been drawn to industries with significant growth potential, which is what initially led me to explore opportunities in the gaming industry. When comparing the market sizes and growth of different sectors, such as webtoons and gaming, I realized that the gaming industry offers a lot of opportunities for innovation..." 
Overall, it's a well-rounded response that demonstrates both your practical and emotional reasons for choosing this career path. Good job!
~ Teacher Maxine

In the webtoon industry, there are limitations in terms of market size and growth potential. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> The webtoon industry faces constraints regarding market size and growth opportunities.

I looked at the market from the perspective of economies of scale, considering that the game market is about 240 trillion won, while the webtoon market is about 6 trillion won. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> I analyzed the market with a focus on economies of scale, taking into account that the gaming market is approximately 240 trillion won, whereas the webtoon market is around 6 trillion won.

I decided to switch to the game industry because I want to make a result from greater potential for market development and grow myself along the market.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> I decided to switch to the game industry because I want to achieve greater potential for market development and grow along with the market.

Secondly, I have always been passionate about gaming, and it has been a constant friend in my life. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> Secondly, I have always been passionate about gaming, and it has been a constant companion in my life.

This is why I want to make my passion work for gaming business. 
>> This is why I want to turn my passion into a career in the gaming business.

I initially entered into the webtoon industry due to my love for paper comics, but while gaining practical experience, I realized significant differences between the two fields. 
>> I initially entered the webtoon industry due to my love for paper comics, but while gaining practical experience, I realized significant differences between the two fields.

Consequently, I naturally gravitated towards the gaming industry, an area that I genuinely love and feel confident in.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> As a result, I naturally leaned towards the gaming industry, an area that I have a genuine passion for and feel confident in.





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