무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

HW

작성자: 나*진
2024-03-20 945

회원님의 영작문

In the webtoon industry, there are limitations in terms of market size and growth potential. I looked at the market from the perspective of economies of scale, considering that the game market is about 240 trillion won, while the webtoon market is about 6 trillion won. I decided to switch to the game industry because I want to make a result from greater potential for market development and grow myself along the market.
Secondly, I have always been passionate about gaming, and it has been a constant friend in my life. This is why I want to make my passion work for gaming business. I initially entered into the webtoon industry due to my love for paper comics, but while gaining practical experience, I realized significant differences between the two fields. Consequently, I naturally gravitated towards the gaming industry, an area that I genuinely love and feel confident in.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Eugene!
In your answer, you provided a clear comparison between the webtoon and gaming markets in terms of size and growth potential, showcasing your strategic thinking and understanding of market dynamics. Additionally, you emphasized your personal passion for gaming and how it has influenced your career aspirations, which adds a genuine and relatable touch to your answer. These are two clear points from your response. I suggest to have a quick introductory sentence before explaining your first key point. 
For example, "I've always been drawn to industries with significant growth potential, which is what initially led me to explore opportunities in the gaming industry. When comparing the market sizes and growth of different sectors, such as webtoons and gaming, I realized that the gaming industry offers a lot of opportunities for innovation..." 
Overall, it's a well-rounded response that demonstrates both your practical and emotional reasons for choosing this career path. Good job!
~ Teacher Maxine

In the webtoon industry, there are limitations in terms of market size and growth potential. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> The webtoon industry faces constraints regarding market size and growth opportunities.

I looked at the market from the perspective of economies of scale, considering that the game market is about 240 trillion won, while the webtoon market is about 6 trillion won. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> I analyzed the market with a focus on economies of scale, taking into account that the gaming market is approximately 240 trillion won, whereas the webtoon market is around 6 trillion won.

I decided to switch to the game industry because I want to make a result from greater potential for market development and grow myself along the market.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> I decided to switch to the game industry because I want to achieve greater potential for market development and grow along with the market.

Secondly, I have always been passionate about gaming, and it has been a constant friend in my life. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> Secondly, I have always been passionate about gaming, and it has been a constant companion in my life.

This is why I want to make my passion work for gaming business. 
>> This is why I want to turn my passion into a career in the gaming business.

I initially entered into the webtoon industry due to my love for paper comics, but while gaining practical experience, I realized significant differences between the two fields. 
>> I initially entered the webtoon industry due to my love for paper comics, but while gaining practical experience, I realized significant differences between the two fields.

Consequently, I naturally gravitated towards the gaming industry, an area that I genuinely love and feel confident in.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> As a result, I naturally leaned towards the gaming industry, an area that I have a genuine passion for and feel confident in.





번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
133627 My greetings to my family and friends 김*민 완료 2024-01-03 1277
133626 What are your 2024 wishes? 문*현 완료 2024-01-03 1634
133625 Homework 장*혁 완료 2024-01-03 1175
133624 homework 김*연 완료 2024-01-03 1840
133623 Homework 장*혁 완료 2024-01-03 1078
133622 homework 01.03 최*� 완료 2024-01-03 1587
133621 Today\'s homework 이*도 완료 2024-01-03 753
133620 Homework 공*우 완료 2024-01-03 1968
133619 Would you rather take an afternoon nap or spend all afternoon... 송*우 완료 2024-01-03 880
133618 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-01-03 316
133617 homework 이*숙 완료 2024-01-03 2302
133616 Why do you think some people like collecting old stuff such as... 하*현 완료 2024-01-03 1
133615 Bad day 이*규 완료 2024-01-03 2146
133614 Homework 김*서 완료 2024-01-03 2
133613 24/01/03 Home work 이*민 완료 2024-01-03 1
133612 How important is family connection and relations in your country? 최*정 완료 2024-01-03 2353
133611 What would you do if you were late for an important class? 임*호 완료 2024-01-03 0
133610 which one would you like to achieve? 권*모 완료 2024-01-03 1627
133609 How can we keep children safe from cyberbullying online? 에*미 완료 2024-01-03 1
133608 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"Would you still... 앨* 완료 2024-01-03 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]