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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

HW

작성자: 나*진
2024-03-19 1362

회원님의 영작문

HOMEWORK:
Answer the questions using complete sentences.
1. What was the first game you ever played?
The first game I ever played was Final Fantasy XIV. As a well-known title in the JRPG and a long-standing MMORPG globally, Final Fantasy XIV was launched just after I finished my college entrance exams. I usually did solo playing games until that time, diving into gameplay with friends and even strangers was a new experience for me. Venturing into dungeons, cooperating with other positions such as tanks, healers, and damage dealers to work towards a common goal of clearing content was exciting, and I found myself immersed in the game for more than 10 hours a day, striving to reach the maximum level. While I may not play as intensely as I did back then, Final Fantasy XIV still holds a special place for me, occasionally allowing me to revisit the world of Eorzea and experience the thrill of character growth with tons of in-game contents that include dungeons, raids and housing.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Eugene!
Your response expresses your passion for gaming, teamwork, and adapting to new experiences. It could be strengthened by briefly mentioning the transferable skills you gained, such as teamwork, problem-solving, and adaptability, which are possibly relevant to the job you're interviewing for. It's crucial that you addressed various aspects in your response, including your passion, its relevance to the question, personal growth, acquired skills, and reflections from the experience. Overall, it's a great response that expresses your experience effectively.
~ Teacher Maxine 

The first game I ever played was Final Fantasy XIV. 
>> CORRECT!

As a well-known title in the JRPG and a long-standing MMORPG globally, Final Fantasy XIV was launched just after I finished my college entrance exams. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> Final Fantasy XIV, a well-known title in the JRPG and long-standing MMORPG genres worldwide, was released shortly after I finished my college entrance exams.

I usually did solo playing games until that time, diving into gameplay with friends and even strangers was a new experience for me. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> I usually played solo games until that time; diving into gameplay with friends and even strangers was a new experience for me.

Venturing into dungeons, cooperating with other positions such as tanks, healers, and damage dealers to work towards a common goal of clearing content was exciting, and I found myself immersed in the game for more than 10 hours a day, striving to reach the maximum level. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> Exploring dungeons and collaborating with roles like tanks, healers, and damage dealers to achieve a common goal of completing challenges was thrilling. I found myself immersed in the game, dedicating over 10 hours each day to advance and reach the highest level.

While I may not play as intensely as I did back then, Final Fantasy XIV still holds a special place for me, occasionally allowing me to revisit the world of Eorzea and experience the thrill of character growth with tons of in-game contents that include dungeons, raids and housing.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> While I may not play as intensely as I did back then, Final Fantasy XIV still holds a special place for me, occasionally allowing me to revisit the world of Eorzea and experience the thrill of character growth with tons of in-game content, including dungeons, raids, and housing.


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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
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03
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