¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 03.11

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2024-03-11 2176

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
In what ways do you think retirement might be stressful?

In my opinion, it will be might stressful because of financial problem.
Actually, I don\'t know well the world of adults.
Anyway, I will also make a retirement plans in the future, other people also make plans.
But, except for financially stable people, after the retirement most people are face stress.
The most people want the average age to retirement in Korea is 65.
But, these days the major companies in Korea the average retirement age is early 50s.
This age is too short for prepare the retirement plan.
In addition, if I retire at middle age, there are many companies don\'t well hire me.
But, inevitable financial pressure, many people find again jobs and re-apply even after retire.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
In what ways do you think retirement might be stressful?


In my opinion, it will be might stressful because of financial problem.
>> In my opinion, it might be stressful because of financial problems.
Actually, I don\'t know well the world of adults.
>> Actually, I don't know the world of adults very well.
Anyway, I will also make a retirement plan in the future, other people also make plans.
>> CORRECT!
But, except for financially stable people, after the retirement most people are face stress.
>> But, except for financially stable people, after the retirement, most people face a lot of stress.
OR >> But, except for financially stable people, after the retirement, most people experience a lot of stress.
The most people want the average age to retirement in Korea is 65.
>>  Most people in Korea want to retire at the age of 65, which is the average age for retirement.
But, these days the major companies in Korea the average retirement age is early 50s.
>> But, these days, for major companies in Korea, the average retirement age is early 50s.
This age is too short for prepare the retirement plan.
>> This age is too short to prepare for their retirement plan.
In addition, if I retire at middle age, there are many companies don\'t well hire me.
>> In addition, if I retire at middle age, there are many companies that won't hire me.
But, inevitable financial pressure, many people find again jobs and re-apply even after retire.
>> But, because of inevitable financial pressure, many people find jobs again and re-apply even after retirement.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
126915 3/24 assignment ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-26 1345
126914 Where I¡¯d like to live ? Á¶*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-26 1
126913 HOMEWORK FOR 03/24 Á¶*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-26 922
126912 Do you ever think taking naps can waste valuable time spent... ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-26 988
126911 How does the article make you feel about AI? ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-26 1121
126910 Do you think air pollution will be a bigger issue ten years from... ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-26 969
126909 Do you think we should continue these rocket launches at the... ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-26 1019
126908 What are your birthday wishes for Aria? ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-03-26 44
126907 How frequent do you receive advertising attachments in your... ±¸*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-26 1
126906 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-26 1866
126905 My busit day is Tuesday. ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-26 2
126904 Homework ¿ì*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-26 635
126903 What do you think is the worst dental problem? Áö* ¿Ï·á 2023-03-26 1
126902 What is your definition of \'trend\'? ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-25 1007
126901 What kind of boss would you want to be if you had your own... ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-25 790
126900 Which animal makes the best pet? Why? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-25 926
126899 Which one do you think is better, getting married early or... ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-25 1098
126898 Are you good at fixing things at home? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-25 1
126897 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-25 831
126896 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-25 1341

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04