¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 03.11

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2024-03-11 1757

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
In what ways do you think retirement might be stressful?

In my opinion, it will be might stressful because of financial problem.
Actually, I don\'t know well the world of adults.
Anyway, I will also make a retirement plans in the future, other people also make plans.
But, except for financially stable people, after the retirement most people are face stress.
The most people want the average age to retirement in Korea is 65.
But, these days the major companies in Korea the average retirement age is early 50s.
This age is too short for prepare the retirement plan.
In addition, if I retire at middle age, there are many companies don\'t well hire me.
But, inevitable financial pressure, many people find again jobs and re-apply even after retire.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
In what ways do you think retirement might be stressful?


In my opinion, it will be might stressful because of financial problem.
>> In my opinion, it might be stressful because of financial problems.
Actually, I don\'t know well the world of adults.
>> Actually, I don't know the world of adults very well.
Anyway, I will also make a retirement plan in the future, other people also make plans.
>> CORRECT!
But, except for financially stable people, after the retirement most people are face stress.
>> But, except for financially stable people, after the retirement, most people face a lot of stress.
OR >> But, except for financially stable people, after the retirement, most people experience a lot of stress.
The most people want the average age to retirement in Korea is 65.
>>  Most people in Korea want to retire at the age of 65, which is the average age for retirement.
But, these days the major companies in Korea the average retirement age is early 50s.
>> But, these days, for major companies in Korea, the average retirement age is early 50s.
This age is too short for prepare the retirement plan.
>> This age is too short to prepare for their retirement plan.
In addition, if I retire at middle age, there are many companies don\'t well hire me.
>> In addition, if I retire at middle age, there are many companies that won't hire me.
But, inevitable financial pressure, many people find again jobs and re-apply even after retire.
>> But, because of inevitable financial pressure, many people find jobs again and re-apply even after retirement.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
131535 Do you think online meetings or conferences are better or worse?... ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-10 1
131534 Why expensive restaurants have high price of food °­*À² ¿Ï·á 2023-10-10 1
131533 HOMEWORK ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-10-10 2214
131532 HOMEWORK ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-10-10 2048
131531 9.Oct.2023 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-10 1
131530 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-10 2658
131529 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-10-10 2250
131528 Do you think people should continue practicing their traditions... ¼Û*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-09 2120
131527 homework 10.09 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-10-09 2783
131526 where I want to fishing ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-09 2683
131525 My favorite emoji ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-10-09 2245
131524 Homework ÀÌ*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-09 2032
131523 What was the most special thing you did for a friend in the... ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-09 2078
131522 Can You Tell which sentences are True and which are False? ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-10-09 1
131521 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about ¡°My favorite... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-10-09 2
131520 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-10-09 2465
131519 What do you put in your poket? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-10-09 3128
131518 What do you consider to be your weakness? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-10-09 2911
131517 Is going on a solo trip part of your bucket list? Why or why not? ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-10-09 2254
131516 homework ¾È*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-09 2118

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04