¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 03.11

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2024-03-11 1419

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
In what ways do you think retirement might be stressful?

In my opinion, it will be might stressful because of financial problem.
Actually, I don\'t know well the world of adults.
Anyway, I will also make a retirement plans in the future, other people also make plans.
But, except for financially stable people, after the retirement most people are face stress.
The most people want the average age to retirement in Korea is 65.
But, these days the major companies in Korea the average retirement age is early 50s.
This age is too short for prepare the retirement plan.
In addition, if I retire at middle age, there are many companies don\'t well hire me.
But, inevitable financial pressure, many people find again jobs and re-apply even after retire.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
In what ways do you think retirement might be stressful?


In my opinion, it will be might stressful because of financial problem.
>> In my opinion, it might be stressful because of financial problems.
Actually, I don\'t know well the world of adults.
>> Actually, I don't know the world of adults very well.
Anyway, I will also make a retirement plan in the future, other people also make plans.
>> CORRECT!
But, except for financially stable people, after the retirement most people are face stress.
>> But, except for financially stable people, after the retirement, most people face a lot of stress.
OR >> But, except for financially stable people, after the retirement, most people experience a lot of stress.
The most people want the average age to retirement in Korea is 65.
>>  Most people in Korea want to retire at the age of 65, which is the average age for retirement.
But, these days the major companies in Korea the average retirement age is early 50s.
>> But, these days, for major companies in Korea, the average retirement age is early 50s.
This age is too short for prepare the retirement plan.
>> This age is too short to prepare for their retirement plan.
In addition, if I retire at middle age, there are many companies don\'t well hire me.
>> In addition, if I retire at middle age, there are many companies that won't hire me.
But, inevitable financial pressure, many people find again jobs and re-apply even after retire.
>> But, because of inevitable financial pressure, many people find jobs again and re-apply even after retirement.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138237 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 1
138236 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 1
138235 What are the best ways to avoid getting sick? Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 1075
138234 The illusion of graduation ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 905
138233 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 4
138232 washing one\'s face ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 1036
138231 Homework À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 3
138230 If you could create a new toy, what would it be and why? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 1043
138229 What is the best thing about the month of July? Write at least... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 948
138228 2024.07.01 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 822
138227 What is your favorite sandwich? What kinds of bread from other... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 998
138226 Do you usually try free samples at grocery stores? Why or why... ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 1262
138225 Q) Can working out make people happy? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 1
138224 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 12
138223 HOMEWORK FOR 07.02.2024 WRITING TASK: What is the most famous... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 3
138222 HOMEWORK ÁÖ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 1000
138221 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 1177
138220 The thing that I regret ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 12
138219 What are the best ways to avoid getting sick? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 1090
138218 Is mental health more important than physical health? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 1076

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04