¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My Three Thing To Achieve

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*À²
2024-03-11 974

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

First, I want to make friends with all my classmates this year.
Because I can play fun if I have a lot of friends and I won't worry when I am in 3rd grades.
Second, I will got 95 scores in my first test. It is very important for my future high school. So I will study very hard and got 95 scores.
Third, I will take care of myself. I should eat lots of water and sleep more than now.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Julie! Well done on accomplishing your homework! These changes aim to make the text clearer, more grammatically correct, and smoother to read.


First, I want to make friends with all my classmates this year.
>>> First, I want to make friends with all my classmates this year 
Because I can play fun if I have a lot of friends and I won't worry when I am in 3rd grades.
>>> because having many friends means I can have more fun, and I won't worry when I am in 3rd grade.
Second, I will got 95 scores in my first test. 
>>> Second, I will aim to score 95 on my first test. 
It is very important for my future high school. 
>>> It is very important for my future high school. 
So I will study very hard and got 95 scores.
>>> Therefore, I will study very hard to achieve this score.
Third, I will take care of myself. 
>>> Third, I will take better care of myself. 
I should eat lots of water and sleep more than now.
>>> I should drink plenty of water and get more sleep than I do now.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
134820 Do you think property is always a good investment? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-20 4
134819 Is there any development with your \'friendship\' with IH? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-02-20 1
134818 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-20 1
134817 If you have the chance to learn another language, what would it... õ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-02-20 630
134816 What do you think of people who don\'t go to the dentist ? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-20 502
134815 Write about something you regret having done ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-20 0
134814 If you were going to implement an ordinance, what would it be? Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-02-20 971
134813 How long should we know before we get married? ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-20 587
134812 homework À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 704
134811 homework À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 589
134810 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 2
134809 People you can always count on ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 432
134808 What advantage do you believe entry-level applicants have when... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 690
134807 Homework ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 699
134806 Homework ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 873
134805 homework 02.19 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 311
134804 How have your interests changed as the eyars went by? ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 394
134803 How can we gind the owner ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 0
134802 I like my family À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 1081
134801 We always have to be careful ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-19 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04