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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

How do you feel if you forget your mobile phone and leave it somewhere?

작성자: 박*호
2024-03-11 607

회원님의 영작문

In the past, clothes, food, and house were considered essential elements of life.
However, these days, mobile phones havw become the most important element of life to the extent that normal life is impossible without that.
As for my case,
I manage contact information including the phone numbers of all my acquaintances and all personal schedules as well as those related to my work on my mobile phone.
I handle financial transactions through mobile banking on my mobile phone rather than going to the bank.
I trade stocks including US stocks via my mobile phone.
I take photos with my cell phone and keep photos from many years ago.
If I lose my cell phone, all my past memories will disappear.
So, to prevent that from happening, I regularly back up my data from my cell phone to my desktop computer.
In conclusion, my cell phone is as important as my family in my life.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Sun! 

Many people report feeling anxious when they forget their phone. The term “nomophobia” has been coined to describe this feeling. Researchers have found that nomophobia is linked to traits like interpersonal sensitivity and obsession-compulsion.

- Kristine ^^ 

In the past, clothes, food, and house were considered essential elements of life.
>> In the past, clothes, food, and a house were considered essential elements of life.
However, these days, mobile phones havw become the most important element of life to the extent that normal life is impossible without that.
>> However, these days, mobile phones have become the most important element of life, to the extent that normal life is impossible without them.
Or >> However, in the modern world, mobile phones have surpassed all other necessities to the extent that living a regular life would be difficult without them.
As for my case, I manage contact information including the phone numbers of all my acquaintances and all personal schedules as well as those related to my work on my mobile phone.
>> As for my case, I manage contact information, including the phone numbers of all my acquaintances and all personal schedules, as well as those related to my work, on my mobile phone.
Or >> In my case, I use my mobile phone to keep track of all of my contact information, including the numbers of all of my acquaintances and my personal and professional schedules.
I handle financial transactions through mobile banking on my mobile phone rather than going to the bank.
>> Correct.
I trade stocks including US stocks via my mobile phone.
>> I use my mobile phone to trade stocks, particularly US stocks.
I take photos with my cell phone and keep photos from many years ago.
>> I save old pictures and take new pictures with my phone.
If I lose my cell phone, all my past memories will disappear.
>> All of my old memories would disappear if I misplace my phone.
So, to prevent that from happening, I regularly back up my data from my cell phone to my desktop computer.
>> So I constantly backup my data from my mobile phone to my desktop computer to prevent it from happening.
In conclusion, my cell phone is as important as my family in my life.
>> Correct. 
Or >> In conclusion, my family and my cell phone hold equal significance in my life.
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