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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Beauty

작성자: 임*진
2024-03-07 1184

회원님의 영작문

We often say that since genuine beauty is in ourselves, we should refrain from evaluating person by mere appearance.
However, this sentence is just ideal story, the impact of appearance is actually enormous in South Korea.
In fact, Korea is famous for plastic surgery and idol culture in all over the world.
Thus, most people have inner needs to be the typical good-looking person.
Korean tends to be conscious of other's eyes and have strict standards about the beautiful appearance.
In these reasons, when I go out of my country, I naturally travel without makeup and uncomfortable clothes.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hey there, Ms. Yu Jin! Thank you for sharing your perspective on the impact of appearance in South Korea. It's interesting to hear about the cultural influence of plastic surgery and the emphasis on beauty standards. 
~T. Jenna

We often say that since genuine beauty is in ourselves, we should refrain from evaluating person by mere appearance.
>>We often say that since genuine beauty is in ourselves, we should refrain from evaluating a person by mere appearance.
OR
>>We often hear that real beauty comes from who we are on the inside, so it's better not to judge people just by how they look.
However, this sentence is just ideal story, the impact of appearance is actually enormous in South Korea.
>>However, this sentence is just an ideal story; the impact of appearance is actually enormous in South Korea.
OR
>>While this statement paints an ideal picture, the reality in South Korea reveals a significant influence of appearance.
In fact, Korea is famous for plastic surgery and idol culture in all over the world.
>>In fact, Korea is famous for plastic surgery and idol culture all over the world.
OR
>> In fact, Korea is globally renowned for its widespread popularity in plastic surgery and idol culture.
Thus, most people have inner needs to be the typical good-looking person.
>> Thus, most people have an inner desire to be the typical good-looking person.
Korean tends to be conscious of other's eyes and have strict standards about the beautiful appearance.
>>Koreans tend to be conscious of other's eyes and have strict standards about the beautiful appearance.
OR
>>Koreans tend to be conscious of others' eyes and adhere to strict standards of beauty.
In these reasons, when I go out of my country, I naturally travel without makeup and uncomfortable clothes.
>>For these reasons, when I go out of my country, I naturally travel without makeup and uncomfortable clothes.
OR
>>Given these reasons, when I travel outside my country, I instinctively choose to go without makeup and opt for comfortable clothing.
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